Let There Be Peace On Earth

Looking forward to more friendship in the New Year. I'll be around! (God willing)

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do from A Friendly Human Being on Vimeo.

The biggest friendship issue of 2015: trying to stop caring

So much could be discussed under this topic. But for now I just want to go into: caring for a person who does not seem to care about you. It has been the prevailing topic on, at least the social media that I've been on, of 2015. Women wanting to be free of men who are no longer nice to them, and men needing to get over women.

So let me make an outline, cause there's lots to discuss:

A. Avoid becoming sexually active

    It is very much more difficult to break it off with someone once you have enjoyed good sex with him/her. You remember the sensations, the emotions, and I've been told it's almost impossible to get someone out of your mind after being sexually active with him/her. So, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. You will not be hurting as badly when a relationship ends if there was no sex.

B.   Concentrate on those who do care

  Think about those people in your life who do care about you, and spend most of your time with them. Are there people in your life who you have been taking for granted? People who really believe in you and love you, but you figure, "oh they'll always be around, no need to cultivate that relationship". Often the love of mom and dad is given a very poor rating where the priorities of young men and women are concerned. But the people who value you should be the ones you concentrate on. Often it turns out that with putting some effort into these relationships, you will be amazed how much more rewarding they can be than you ever thought.

C.   Distance

  As best you are able, distance yourself geographically from someone you are trying to forget. The saying is, "out of sight and out of mind". If you can create a situation where it will be more difficult for you and the person to see each other, then it will be easier to give up on him/her, and to put your mind on more important things. But you have to really really see how much going on with a damaging relationship is stealing from your quality of life. It takes a real commitment to your own happiness to decide, I want the very best for myself, no matter what the cost. And if you mean it, you will relocate, if he/she's a coworker, you will find a new job, and basically do whatever it takes to make it clear to both you and him/her that the relationship has no future.

In closing, I just want to say that the emphasis made by society on sex and romantic love is completely out of proportion. We don't have to be married. We don't have to have perfect bodies or perfect facial features. And if we do not get married, it doesn't mean there was something wrong with our bodies or our faces. Stand your ground! Be you. Marry you. Tell yourself, "I (your name) do lawfully take myself, forsaking all others: to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for better or worse, till the day I die".

♬ Paul Simon: 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover

You're not alone!

♬    ROCK N'ROLL SUICIDE
        by David Bowie

Time takes a cigarette, puts it in your mouth
You pull on your finger, then another finger, then your
cigarette
The wall-to-wall is calling, it lingers, then you forget
Ohhh, you're a rock 'n' roll suicide

You're too old to lose it, too young to choose it

And the clock waits so patiently on your song
You walk past a cafe but you don't eat when you've lived
too long
Oh, no, no, no, you're a rock 'n' roll suciide

Chev brakes are snarling as you stumble across the road

But the day breaks instead so you hurry home
Don't let the sun blast your shadow
Don't let the milk float ride your mind
You're so natural - religiously unkind

Oh no love! you're not alone
You're watching yourself but you're too unfair
You got your head all tangled up but if I could only make you care
Oh no love! you're not alone
No matter what or who you've been
No matter when or where you've seen
All the knives seem to lacerate your brain
I've had my share, I'll help you with the pain
You're not alone

Just turn on with me and you're not alone
Let's turn on with me and you're not alone
Let's turn on and be not alone
Gimme your hands cause you're wonderful [x2]
Oh gimme your hands.

O Holy Night

O Holy Night from Just A Friend on Vimeo.

As I began to think about it, Joseph is not given nearly as much credit as he should for facilitating the birth of Christ. He took diligent care of Mary, throughout her pregnancy and delivery, and without Joseph, Mary could not have made it to night she gave birth. Therefore I chose this image that brings out Joseph's tenderness and love for Jesus Christ.

Romantic love and friendship

I think about this subject, and it seems so very vast. I think of so much that can be talked about, yet I know that I can only hope to touch upon some basic points.

To set the stage, I will tell you that my boyfriend of almost 14 years and I have all but completely split up. In my heart and mind, I have decided not to give up on him, though I might temporarily have to give up on our relationship. The reason I'm not giving up on him is because after 14 years of seeing him, I am fully convinced that he loves me and that he needs me. However, at this point, he has had to move out of the building we lived in together due of his cigarette smoking, and now I'm pretty sure he has another girlfriend, all because he needs someone to help support his habit, and although I fully understand how addictive cigarette smoking can be, I am watching him ruin his life because of it.

But smoking is not so much the enemy here, as DISTANCE. Distance has reeked havoc with our friendship. But why? What is it about distance that makes it such a destroyer of romantic love? A big factor, I happen to think, is that while two people who love each other are apart from each other, the familiarity with the beloved, and with the nature of the love, fades. As familiarity with one another fades, worry sets in, and insecurity. Thoughts like

     "Why did she say that?"
     "Why hasn't he called?"
     "How can this work?"

This is where the rest of our friends can give advice that actually works against the relationship, and serves to destroy the relationship. Simply put, it's the "you deserve better" game. Both people are being told by their own friends that they deserve better, and that they are being taken advantage of.

So the bottom line as far as choosing whether to stay with someone or "kick him/her to the curb" (bear with my urban slang here), is to search your heart. I mean, really really give some thought: Do you love him or her? Are you comparing him or her in your mind to someone you went with before? Are you comparing him or her to someone more ideal who you think is still coming into your life one day?

Classic example here of someone who made a huge mistake. There was a friend of mine who was very happily going with someone, and actually had gotten engaged. And they loved each other very much. Then, she happened to start seeing a fortune teller, and the fortune teller told her that she was going to marry Joseph, and give birth to Jesus. The fortune teller told her she must break up with the man she was seeing, and wait for Joseph to come into her life. Totally ridiculous advice if ever there was any! But do you know she did it? She gave up a real man who had put a real engagement ring on her finger, to wait for a man who lived and died 2,000 years ago!

Friends, it sounds ridiculous, but I have seen quite a few women do this, in one form of it or another. I could give more examples, but time precludes. I might go into some of this again though. But let me encourage you, if you love someone, if you are comfortable with him or her, and if the relationship has stood the test of time, it's time to stop looking around for someone better. Your friend might not be perfect. He might not open car doors. He might not even buy you flowers. But if you know that you know that you know that he loves you, I would recommend for you to hold on to him. Because "Joseph" may not show up for a very long time.

♬   Sade: Hang On To Your Love

Emmanuel

This was a challenging song to sing, and also to create a video for. I hope you enjoy it

Run Rudolph Run

Run Rudolph Run from Just A Friend on Vimeo.

If I had my life to live over, I might have tried to learn how to do animation. This is just so cute!

Silver Bells

Silver Bells from Just A Friend on Vimeo.

We do well to put aside all our worries and anxieties and simply rejoice that our Savior gave up His throne in Heaven and took on human flesh, so that He could experience what it was like to be our comrade. And then we know that He loved us so much that He died in our place.

When people are disagreeable

Recently, I talked about agreeing. I also touched upon the subject of "agreeing to disagree". But what about when people just don't want to agree, or be agreed with? Has that ever happened to you?

For me, it brings to mind a religious person I had a conversation with a number of years ago. He brought up one doctrinal point after another, and made some pretty wild assertions about things such as the Sabbath day, Christ's second coming, the kinds of foods we should eat, and on and on. Now, I have always been committed to friendship, and my philosophy is, rather than debate issues that we don't see eye to eye on, let's concentrate on the idea that, we care about each other. So with every wild assertion that this man made, I tried to find some area of it that I could say,  "yes, I can see how this is so". But it didn't end there. He persisted in making more bold points that he knew were controversial. It seemed after a while, that he was looking for an argument.

What should we do when someone wants to create a problem? So many people's minds just seem to gravitate to finding some area in a relationship that they can complain about. I see it every day in some people when they come into work. Sometimes they just think it's the cool thing to do to speak harshly and negatively. Yet the funny thing about it is, we all want Paradise, don't we?

Well, recently I have discovered a better way to handle it. I stay focused on the idea that, I cannot control what others say and do. But I can control what I say and do. There are actually a number of things I can say and do, and think about to get these kinds of interactions under control. First, I forgivingly disregard the offense. When someone initiates a disagreeable interaction, I stay focused on the fact that I want to be friends, and I try in whatever way I can, to reassure them that I want to be friends.

Some people only say unpleasant things because they want to say something, and though their motive is to let you know they care, they can't help but make a comment that, at first seems unkind. I have to confess, in years past, I've actually done this myself. Though I meant no harm, and was only looking for a way to start a conversation, the words that came out of my mouth could easily be perceived as insulting. So, at the onset of another person's, shall we say "questionable" behavior, let us stay committed to friendship.

People are fragile in some ways. Every one of us is afraid to say "I love you", are we not? So let's think about the people we encounter every day, and have compassion. Know that there are things in their lives that they are secretly struggling with. Sometimes struggling very hard. And wake up every morning with the goal, that whatever anyone says or does today, YOU ARE GOING TO BE A FRIEND

♬    Yvonne Elliman: I Don't Know How To Love Him

Christmassy

The Element of Surprise 

The Little Drummer Boy

The Little Drummer Boy from Just A Friend on Vimeo.

O Little Town Of Bethlehem/Away In A Manger

O Little Town Of Bethlehem/Away In A Manger from Just A Friend on Vimeo.

Everything's Gonna Be Alright

Everything's Gonna Be Alright from Just A Friend on Vimeo.

Ode to Bethlehem

Can we consider someone a friend if he or she is not trustworthy?

Often, when I address an issue on this blog, it is not because I know the answer. Rather, I take apart the components of a situation in the hope that as I reflect on it together with you, a resolution will come about.

I'm thinking actually, of a specific person who has repeatedly disappointed me, and I found out that she didn't love me as much as she claimed she did. But then, that's the question, isn't it? Can someone love us, who for reasons we may never know, just can't make a full fledged commitment to be honest with us, and to love us in the wholeness of what is our definition of love? I still remember, what a friend from days gone by once told me about her mother. She said "I'm learning to let her love me in the only way she can". As I think about it, none of our friends are perfect. Even my dad, who right now in my life I would say is my best friend, and my other good friends as well, cannot deliver to me what I need 100% of the time.

So the answer I would give to my title question is, Yes. There may be people in our lives who truly love us, but (most likely) because of what they have experienced of love, or maybe even what they learned was love growing up, are not completely trustworthy, and may even let us down in a big way at times. People such as these need us to be patient.

Then too whatever we need from them that we are unable to get from them, in my life, I have decided just to pray about it, and keep a positive attitude. Whatever the unfulfilled need is, it may not be as severe as it seems.

♬   Sounds of Blackness: Hold On (Change is Coming)

The Lord Thy God

The Lord Thy God from Just A Friend on Vimeo.

Agreeing

A person who most of us see as a good friend is most often someone who views life the same way as we do. When close friends share our values, it cuts a huge wedge out of loneliness. When we know that someone understands the way we are living, understands our griefs, our worries and even the walls before us, yet this friend continues to believe in us and feel confident that we're on the right track, that there is such good medicine!¹

So being in agreement with people makes a good starting point for a friendship. And sometimes an even greater friendship can happen if we have friends in our lives with whom we can agree to disagree about some things. I am good friends with a number of individuals that are not in the same political party as I am. But I love them, and they love me, and love overtakes our differences.

Our greatest need sometimes, is to know that we are not messing up, and someone who steps out and, well they're actually in the process of adding the word 'upstander' to the dictionary. Someone who proudly stands up, and tells the world that they back us in the choices we have made, I would say that is a friend to cherish.

It is so easy to have friends if we remember to show unconditional love, and also to avoid judging people. All it is, is a matter of making a firm decision to be loving, and when the temptation to be hostile comes, you have already committed it to memory: you have decided to choose love.

♬    Lady Gaga: Born This Way

¹(I need to say no, I don't think you should go off your medicine because you have good friends. I take a good bit of medicine myself. I only use the word medicine for literary purposes).

It's a New Day

♬   THE LORD THY GOD
by The Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir

(The Lord Thy God),
The Lord Thy God,
(He's in the midst of Thee),
He's in the midst of Thee, (He's mighty),
He's mighty,
(So mighty),
so mighty.

(The Lord Thy God),
The Lord Thy God,
(He's in the midst of Thee),
He's in the midst of Thee,
(He's mighty),
He's mighty,
(So mighty),
so mighty.

And I saw Him high and lifted up,
With power and grace, and authority.
And He shall reign,
In the midst of Thee,
Forever and ever, Amen.

(The Lord Thy God),
The Lord Thy God,
(He's in the midst of us),
He's in the midst of us,
(He's mighty),
He's mighty,
(So mighty),
so mighty.

(The Lord our God),
The Lord our God,
(He's in the midst of us),
He's in the midst of us,
(You're mighty),
You're mighty,
(So mighty),
so mighty.

And I've seen Him high and lifted up,
With power and grace, and authority.
And He shall reign,
In the midst of Thee,
Forever and ever, Amen.

Forever and ever, Amen.

I'm Finding

I'm Finding from Just A Friend on Vimeo.

O How He Loves You And Me

I've been thinking about you all, and I need to come and spend some time with you soon don't I? I've been a little ill, and had to rest for some time. But I'm getting better, and I'll be talking with yaz soon. Meantime enjoy this awesome video I just completed.  Love y'all!

Tell Me Something Good

Tell Me Something Good from Just A Friend on Vimeo.

Thou art with me

♬   PSALM TWENTY-THREE
by Kathy Troccoli

I called and the Lord heard me
He is close to the broken hearted
And saves those who are crushed in spirit

Lord, You are my Shepherd
And I shall not want anymore
You make me lie down in peace
In fields of green I will sleep

Lead me beside the still waters
Gently restoring my soul

Even though I walk through the valley
(Lord heal me)
Of the shadow of death
(Please free me)
I will fear no evil, You are with me
(I know You hear my prayer)

Even though I walk through the valley
(Lord love me)
Of the shadow of death
(Please touch me)
I will fear no evil
(I need You here)

You prepare me a table
In the presence of my foes
There with oil You anoint me
And my cup now overflows

Surely Your love and Your goodness
Will follow me all of my life

Even though I walk through the valley
(Lord heal me)
Of the shadow of death
(Please free me)
I will fear no evil, You are with me
(I know You hear my prayer)

Even though I walk through the valley
(Lord love me)
Of the shadow of death
(Please touch me)
I will fear no evil
(I need You here)

Guide me now in Your righteousness
Oh, I will dwell with You forever

Even though I walk through the valley
(Lord heal me)
Of the shadow of death
(Please free me)
I will fear no evil, You are with me
(I know You hear my prayer)

PSALM TWENTY-THREE
by Kathy Troccoli

Even though I walk through the valley
(Lord love me)
Of the shadow of death
(Please touch me)
I will fear no evil
(I need You here)

Even though I walk through the valley
(Lord heal me)
Of the shadow of death
(Please free me)
I will fear no evil, You are with me
(I know You hear my prayer)

Even though I walk through the valley
(Lord love me)
Of the shadow of death
(Please touch me)
I will fear no evil
(I need You here)

Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me
Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me

Friendship is at the heart

Here is something I created tonight for my Instagram, and I felt that it so much pertains to what we discuss here on Always Your Friend, and why we come here to discuss friendship, that I wanted to share it with all of you. Kind of a funny yet serious message.

Take the shortcut. We want money so that we can impress our friends, do we not? So why not, just be friendly to our friends, and everybody wins!!!

A photo posted by A Friend of God ☝ (@afriendlyhumanbeing) on Nov 9, 2015 at 9:41pm PST

Forgiveness and real friends - a follow-up

In a previous blog, I talked about the idea that if a good friend is truly a good friend, they will overlook it when we say a careless word, or for some reason cannot accommodate them in what they need from us. However, after sharing about that, I realized that there was something that needs to be clarified.

We know that real friends will stay faithful, and will not play games with our feelings. However, knowing that we can tell a real friend by their willingness to forgive does not mean we should trap them with the idea that IF... they are a true friend they will put up with whatever we say or do to them. Though real friends  always understand, if we genuinely appreciate them, we will do our best not to be selfish. We will show unconditional love in return, and think seriously before doing something hurtful or offensive. The feeling of wanting to stay friends in times of hardship should go both ways.

Knowing that real friends go the distance should not become a weapon by which we signal to our friends "well you are supposed to take whatever I dish out". We should always have a heart for doing the best we can to make the friendship work. To constantly exasperate someone by holding high expectations which we are not prepared to meet on our end as well, is wrong, and will not take us in the direction of sustaining quality friendships.

♬    Amy Grant: That's What Love Is For

Forgiveness - The measuring rod of friendship

If you're like me, every day you have some people who get annoyed with you, or hurt by something you said or did, (the way you behaved), and if you have no power over them or money to give them, they can get very bent out of shape, and decide they are not going to be nice to you anymore. This happens to me quite frequently.However, I have real friends, who I  also do and say hurtful things to sometimes, and guess what? They never stop being nice to me. Oh yes, they have their moods sometimes just like I do, but when I really need someone, they always are there to help and/or comfort. Real friends go the distance. They might get a little mad sometimes, but they never stop loving us.

Therefore, we can see those who are consistently there for us, those who understand when we are not at our best, as a measuring rod of real friendship. We can take the loyalty of our real friends, and when we measure it up against the games and falseness of others in our lives, then we understand that it's not only us who are to blame when some of our friendships don't work out.

Real friends help us understand that those who bear a grudge against us are not worth worrying about. Indeed this is brought out very clearly in many places in the Bible. I think of Psalm 15, which reads "Who shall dwell in thy tent o Lord? Who shall abide in they holy hill? He who walks uprightly, acts justly, and speaks the truth in his heart, who does not slander with his tongue, nor does evil to his neighbor, nor takes up a reproach against his friend." This wording "nor takes up a reproach against his friend", speaks of something we see so often. There are people who seem to look for something to get bent out of shape about. There are those who enjoy holding something against others.

Though we should do our best to be the best person we can be every day, there are going to be days when we fail people. But those who truly love us and want to remain our friends will overlook our flaws. Those who continue to remind us of what we did wrong, we need to understand that we just "never had them at hello".

♬    Haley Mills; Let's Get Together

He Who Began A Good Work In You

No matter what, always help your friends (and your enemies)

Trying to be a little specific with my title here, only because I'm saying, help those you know personally and come into contact with regularly. If I donated to every worthy cause that asked I would be bankrupt for life! So I want to limit my remarks to helping people we know. So, let's hit it: should we help people, and if so, how?

Many many years ago there was an incident in New York City. A young woman was brutally raped and killed, and research showed afterwards, that it could have been avoided. The woman was screaming and crying for help very loudly. And many people around heard her screams. But, and this was an unprecedented event, they did absolutely nothing. They didn't even pick up the phone and call 911. Later, when these people who heard and maybe even saw the crime were questioned, "Why didn't you try to help?" The unanimous answer was "I DIDN'T WANT TO GET INVOLVED". This incident, all the way back in the 1960s, shocked the entire nation. However, most unfortunately, it seemed to set an example of indifference toward other people's pain, which has remained until this day. From that time on, people decided that it was 'OK' not to get involved. Personally, I am troubled as can be about this type of attitude.

My policy is: ALWAYS GET INVOLVED. If you see someone hurting, and you are in a position to alleviate their pain, help, absolutely! Now, how to help, and why. First of all, your friend, your coworker, your acquaintance, and even someone you see as an enemy, may be hiding their pain. There might be something in their life which they are keeping a secret, and it is causing their behavior to seem offensive. Always assume... or even know, that offensive behavior comes from a troubled mind. And how do we respond to a troubled mind? We do what we can to help. In my dealings with people in my personal life, invariably, when I ask someone who is being mean, "you must be tired... ", I suggest, I always find out that the person has a headache, often when they open up they say they have been getting headaches and they're worried about it. Sometimes I find out that they're worried about a family member, for example a child who's being left with a babysitter, or a sick parent... All these issues in people's lives can show themselves as aggressive behavior. So we need to be really really careful before responding back in an aggressive way. Could be that the last thing someone needs is more worries.

And so, I say, the best thing we can do for someone who needs our help is to pray for them. We can get on that wireless communication of just closing our eyes and trying to connect to God, and praying about that person's concern, whatever they have told us about. Or even if we do not know what is on their mind, if they are frowning, and irritable, we know that there is some type of problem. By praying for someone we can deepen our intimacy with what the he or she is going through, and guess what the result of that is? FRIENDSHIP!

Next, I would say, just be gentle. People are sensitive. Try not to step in in such a way that would hit a nerve or be upsetting to them. Personally, as I said, I find what works for me is to just verbally hinting my concern, and usually that opens up the communication. And once communication is opened up, the hostility will melt. Good communication does away hard feelings.

♬   Mariah Carey: I'll Be There

Patience - not everything is for everybody

How was your day today? Did you feel blessed, or did you feel that you have been dealt a raw deal? I know for myself, some days I'm very happy in my life, and other days I already start the morning with tears in my eyes.

Let me talk a little about my day. Everything seemed to go okay. But one thing I became aware of was that there are all kinds of people in the world. Well, when people don't think as we do, sometimes it is disappointing. Other times, when something we want or need is in the balance, and being able to get what we need is at stake, an argument, or even a fight can ensue.

What we need to understand is that each and every one of us is made differently, and on top of that, our life experiences have caused us to understand life differently. For this reason, when people let us down, we just need to see that in a way, we are more fortunate then they. We have been given greater understanding, for instance, than a person who just, for no reason, flies off the handle. So that we should never judge someone who has a bad temper. We should realize that someone with a bad temper is miserably locked into a behavior pattern that pushes people away. I am just using a bad temper as an example here. The principle applies to a person who is lazy, or else conceited, or greedy, or idolatrous, and yes, even adulterous. It is a person who, undeniably, lacks understanding.

And so, what we need to do is be very quiet and patient with such people. A good way to look at it is something my boyfriend used to say sometimes: "what you eat doesn't make me shit". We don't have to be at all affected by somebody else's ignorance. And the more they see that we're able to stay relaxed around them, the sooner they are likely change.

♬    Amanda Marshall: Why Don't You Love Me

Colors Of The Wind

Colors Of The Wind from Just A Friend on Vimeo.

Hi friends! I made this one due to my concern about the way the change in seasons affect people. The shift from summer to winter is a particularly difficult one. Than also, we have election year approaching, and we do not know whether there are going to be any candidates that we will feel confident voting for. Additionally, there are people who love to come up with scary theories about end times, which have nothing to do with faith and are actually the opposite of faith. All these factors can leave a person pretty stressed out. This video is my attempt to put a positive light on it all. I hope you will find it to be such.

Be a friend of God, and watch Him be a friend of you!

♬   HE WILL SEE YOU THROUGH
       by Billy Preston

When tears have torn your weary face
He will see you through
When it appears you've lost the race
He will see you through

When all your dreams are washed away
He will see you through
And when your feet are turned to clay
He will see you through

Just when it seems you've tried in vain
He will see you through
He loves you so He'll bear your pain
He will see you through

When suffering, no one hears your cry
He will see you through
When every friend has said goodbye
He will see you through

When every day is filled with fear
And gone are those you once held dear
And when the end is drawing near
He will see you through

Home: Ironically, sometimes the loneliest place of all

When speaking of a person who had an abrupt reaction to something that was said, my mother sometimes said "maybe it hit too close to home". Anyone ever heard that phrase? Well let's examine what my mother may have meant by that. I always imagined, in that phrase, the word "home" was a symbol for the heart. When something was said that hit too close to home, it was something that touched a nerve in the heart (or soul) and it was too raw, or painful to discuss. But why would hitting too close to home mean touching on something too difficult to discuss? That's what we've really got to look at.

Home is where people know us best, isn't it? You could say they know us through and through. They are able to observe our schedule, know what time of day we are the most fatigued, they know when we are normally happiest, and they know what makes us happy and what makes us upset. I think everyone will agree with my next statement: they know how to get on our nerves, don't they? They know how to irritate us.

I grew up an only child. My brother was not born till I was 16. So I lived a very very sheltered existence growing up. My brother was born at the same time that I got into the most difficult age for parents to deal with kids, my mid teens. And when it was the two of us, and my parents were by that time already middle aged, it was very very difficult for every one of us.

But backtracking to what I was saying. I was very much spoiled and protected most of my life. But I had 2 close friends who both were from families of 4 (4 kids). I saw them purposely and deliberately driving one another bananas. And for no reason at all! And I'd say to my friends, "why are you doing that??" But besides these childhood experiences, I've heard complaints about housemates that got on people's nerves, and you hear all the time about people such as boyfriends, husbands, and many many exes, that just hit too close to home. They erk us. They drive us bananas!

May I suggest that we can see this all as love? These people know us well. We matter to them. And sometimes the more we matter to someone, the more he or she will irritate us. They want us to love them as much as they love us. And when they feel lost, when they feel there is no way we will ever love them the way they love us, they will use little ploys to get us to notice them.

This is the way I try to look at my own situation. In my nursing home, there are people who want to be friends, but they can't figure out a way to let me know. And when they come in and see me preoccupied with my phone, it can make them feel awfully lonely. Some of the people who work here dream of reaching out in a real way to people with disabilities. And when they can't get my attention, they come up with some outrageous tactics to try and irritate me.

Knowing that many of the people in my life need love, and myself believing that love should be our number one priority, I need to rethink my behavior toward my caregivers. When people enter my room wanting to be of help to me, whatever I'm doing on my phone needs to wait. And if I practice giving my caregivers my undivided attention, in the long run my life will be a lot less complicated. Because in good times and in bad, though we may not notice it, love is having its way.

♬    Air Supply: Lost In Love

Thou Art Worthy

Marriage - Is It All I Should Look Forward To?

Marriage - Is It All I Should Look Forward To? from Raya Stuiver

John 12:24

Wings Of An Eagle

Wings Of An Eagle from Just A Friend on Vimeo.

He Careth For You

A good friend can raise the dead - A sequel to "What Matters Most", which I wrote on my birthday

Hello friends. I want to begin this blog with a copy of a post from my Instagram, which I posted on September 30, the day after my birthday:

Well I'm awake, and I woke up and remembered how selfish people were yesterday. So unfortunate for those who truly and sincerely wanted me to have a good day. And I don't know where to go from here. And those who wanted me to cease and desist with all my nice projects are going to have their way. They would love nothing more than to see me give up, and I have given up. I'm scared that I'll probably go to Hell, and I am scared. And that is the only thing. Cause after knowing how severe suffering can get, I can only begin to imagine what Hell will be like. Look, I wanna apologize to the ones who care about me, but you have placed your money on the wrong horse. I didn't have the strength to make it to the finish line. Let my enemies and haters rejoice!

A photo posted by A Friend of God ☝ (@afriendlyhumanbeing) on Sep 30, 2015 at 4:36am PDT

The mood that comes out in this post, is the mood of a heart that has been put to death. And shortly after this that I shared, I ended up calling a good friend in administration and crying "I want to kill myself!", after which immediately 3 people came to my room: she, the manager of the unit I'm on, and shortly after that, my psychologist came and I talked to her, and settled down a good bit. But I want to tell you what I shared with the psychologist, and why I settled down.

I told my psychologist that "I believe God can raise the dead. I believe God can bring to life that which has died." And I shared a couple of scriptures with her regarding that. Particularly important to me was the well known Bible verse that says "If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart, that God has raised him from the dead, you shall be saved". And I told the psychologist that I do. I firmly do believe in my heart that God has raised him from the dead. And this is what gives me hope.

Well, I still lay here very depressed and very unmotivated. I didn't even feel like touching my phone and usually I'm always working on one project or another. And suddenly, a little after lunch time, someone said with a smile, "Raya, special delivery!" Well, I looked, and it occurred to me a little but I thought "couldn't be Andre". Andre was another resident in this building until a short while ago, and he and I had fallen very much in love and had been going steady for over 13 years, and basically considered ourselves common-law married. So I looked up. And first I saw his mother, and I thought well maybe it was just his mother stopping by to say hello. But THEN ... THERE HE WAS! My man!!! And it was exactly like the story about how Jesus raised his friend Lazarus from the dead! The Bible tells us that Jesus stood in front of the cave Lazarus's tomb was placed in and shouted "Lazarus! Come forth!" And immediately Lazarus, a dead man, came walking out of the cave, alive and whole. And the moment I saw Andre coming in my door, it was like BOOM! What was dead just moments before, was all the way back to life!

That is what love can do my friends. No amount of wealth can do that. No amount of fame can do that. No amount of intelligence or talent can do that. Only love.

♬   Uncle Sam: When I See You Smile

What Matters Most

What Matters Most from Just A Friend on Vimeo.

Well, today happens to be my birthday. Kind of exciting. And as you all know, I'm a very well meaning person, and anytime I hear about anyone having a birthday, I do my best to enrich the experience for them. However, living in a nursing home, and being a worshipper of the living God: Jesus Christ, the righteous, I encounter all kinds of people every day who are unable to make a statement like that. They are unable to truthfully say, "I'm a well meaning person, and do my best to make people's birthdays happy". I meet people who have a great deal of debt as far as their conduct and their attitudes are concerned, and I meet people who would love very much to rob me of my destiny; the destiny of someone who has believed in the unconditional love and unending forgiveness of the Lord Jesus Christ, which is eternal life. And so, on a day like today, kind of a special day, (my birthday), some of the people would want my faith in God to fain. In a nursing home, you see and experience an unusual degree of depravity. But when I first became a believer, I was so excited about Jesus Christ that I asked him (more that once) to bring me to the most hardened of hearts and may I be able to soften them. And this is what I need to keep in mind. That it is not for me to argue back or fight back when I have been wronged, but to consider the condition of someone's heart: to realize that I am dealing with a broken person, and to be patient and kind.

Psalm 127

Telling the truth is being a true friend to both yourself and others

For a number of weeks now, I had found myself sleeping the entire day. And I didn't understand what was going on. I thought I was sleeping most of the night. I was sleeping late enough in the morning to get my 6-8 hours of sleep, so, "what is this?", I wondered. And so, when my therapist (psychologist) came to see me, I confronted the subject right away. I said "Frankly, I'm concerned that I've been sleeping excessively. I've been sleeping most of the night, and then the entire day".

And so, I don't think anyone had told her to approach the subject with me, but out of the concern of a true friend, and out of the diligence of someone who wants to do her job properly, she began to tell me some facts that she had learned about cell phone usage. First, she told me that studies have shown that using a device late at night when it is dark out, and you(I) am staring into the the phone screen, that the phone screen can deceive the body into thinking it is daytime, and/or time to be awake and energetic, and therefore it can artificially alter someone's whole sense of when day is and when night is. And myself, always having been determined to help myself when there is a problem, I took what my therapist said very seriously. And so she suggested, I should just make up my mind that at a certain time, once it gets dark, I turn the phone off and do other things, things that don't involve artificial light. Well, someone else might have been angry or hurt to hear advice like this. But myself, I made up my mind to do as she suggested. And now, for 2 days, I've gone to put away my phone earlier. The first night, still relatively late, but better for me, and last night, I turned the phone off, I think even before midnight, which is an acceptable target time for me.

The result is that today, I feel energetic, and psyched to make friends, build up existing friendships, and in general, provide the type of support that I thrive on providing. A life can be a baffling mess, and one caring friend, one honest person,  can fix it with just a few words of TRUTH. Make up your mind to tell the truth today.

♬    Pat Benatar: Treat Me Right

It took a Genius

♬    MAKER OF MY HEART
        by Glad

You're the maker of my heart
Cause you've formed the hearts of all
And long before I knew it
You were waiting for my call
You're the author of my life
And you know my every part
It's so good to know the maker of my heart

When I was just a dream
You could see my head and form
You planned for me to know it from the moment I was born
Before my mouth had opened
You knew every word I'd say
So search my heart and lead me
In your ever truthful way

You're the maker of my heart
Cause you've formed the hearts of all
And long before I knew it
You were waiting for my call
You're the author of my life
And you know my every part
It's so good to know the maker of my heart

You hem me in completely with your strong and loving hand
In time you will accomplish everything your heart has planned
Man may speak against you
And deny that you exist
But of every truth I've ever learned
The greatest one is this

You're the Maker of my heart
Cause you've formed the hearts of all
And long before I knew it
You were waiting for my call
You're the author of my life
And you know my every part
It's so good to know the maker of my heart!

You're the Maker of my heart
Cause you've formed the hearts of all
And long before I knew it
You were waiting for my call
You're the author of my life
And you know my every part
It's so good to know the maker of my heart!

Not Giving Up (originally done by Amy Grant)

Whoever Touches You

Whoever Touches You from Just A Friend on Vimeo.

Am I still inspired?

This month, I will be celebrating my 58th birthday. Well, looking back on all the years of my adult life, I have lived a ridiculous life. To begin with, the well accepted custom of lying about one's age is something for which I have laughed at people for many years, and promised myself that no matter how old I got, I would bear witness against deception, and boldly tell the truth. But although there are things about me that have never changed, there are, sadly, things that were just not able to stay the same. Unfortunately, we all, as we get older, come to see certain things about people and life that are not pretty to see.

One thing that has changed a lot is the nature of my love for people. I accepted the Lord Jesus Christ all the way back in the summer of 1979. Once I took it in that those who understood who Jesus Christ was were going to Heaven, and those who did not know the importance of faith in Him were not, I became intensely burdened for all human beings all over the world. Everyone I met, everyone I even had a casual conversation with in a restaurant or on the bus, I could only think of how awful it would be if they ended up in Hell! From morning till night, I prayed for everyone in the whole world to be saved.

Well, at 57 years old... almost 58, do you think I still love people as much as I did? I'll give you a hint: NO. Particularly since I became disabled, and have seen the hypocrisy of the way people treat others, how much they kiss up to those who they see as important and how miserably abusive they can be to those who they think don't matter, I am not at all so concerned about whether they go to Heaven or not. And yet I know God's word has not changed. What is known as "the great commission", to go into all the world preaching the Gospel to every creature, has not moved anywhere. So I know that always, though Jesus Christ was fully aware of how much people kiss up to those who they see as important and how miserably abusive they can be to those who they think don't matter, He still has loved them with an everlasting love, and asked us to do the same.

And so, as the Jewish New Year was just yesterday, and now we have begun the 10 days prior to Yom Kippur, when we reflect on how we have lived for the last year, and prepare to atone and be cleansed, one thing for me is to "return to my first love", as it says in the Book of the Revelation". I need to get past what I have learned about people after all these years, and regain my enthusiasm and love for them. I want find in my heart once again, that young woman who could not bear the thought of anyone suffering for eternity.

♬    Special Gift: More Than Just A Friend

Emotions

Well, very soon it will be 9/11. And I'm sure even though 14 years have gone by, the memory of 9-11-2001 still brings many emotions into most people's minds and hearts. Many are not sure exactly what is going on in Washington, particularly with the new treaty with Iran. Personally, I don't know what the details of it are, but there have been rumors (which I don't believe) that President Obama actually hates the United States, and that he is actually a Muslim. Now, the way I look at it, President Obama's personal life and beliefs are really nobody's business, so it makes no sense to wonder about them, because he is in a sense, a celebrity, and we will never be able to be sure unless we are a family member or a close friend.

But every year, when 9/11 arrives, there are people who get frightened. Some have very vivid memories of the atrocity of what occurred in 2001, and vivid memories alone can trigger fears and emotions that, even though they might not make sense, it is what we feel. But we have to respect our feelings.

We need to respect our own unique feelings about what happened on that day. We may wonder if our feelings are weird, or whether others feel as we do or not. But we need to show very serious respect for whatever it is we feel. And then we need to acknowledge that we are limited humans, and that that is alright too.

♬ Jamie Owens-Collins: I'm Yours

I Will Bless The Lord

New Lives For Old - Sounds like a deal to me!

New Lives 4 Old from Just A Friend on Vimeo.

What He did before, He can do again: HE BROUGHT ME OUT

He Brought Me Out from Just A Friend on Vimeo.

LOVE HURTS

♬    LOVE HURTS

        by Nazareth

Love hurts,
Love scars,
Love wounds and marks
Any heart not tough or strong enough
To take a lot of pain, take a lot of pain
Love is like a cloud, it holds a lot of rain
Love hurts,
Ooo-oo love hurts

I'm young,
I know,
But even so
I know a thing or two, I learned from you
I really learned a lot, really learned a lot
Love is like a flame It burns you when it's hot
Love hurts,
Ooo-oo love hurts

Some fools think
Of happiness, blissfulness, togetherness
Some fools fool themselves, I guess
They're not foolin' me
I know it isn't true I know it isn't true
Love is just a lie made too many blue
Love hurts,
Ooo-oo love hurts

I know it isn't true
I know it isn't true
Love is just a lie made too many blue
Love hurts,
Ooo-oo love hurts
Ooo-oo, love hurts, Ooo-oo

A Friend to myself

Get Up And Boogie from Just A Friend on Vimeo.

Being loved can be frightening

So I've been having a series of good days, and feeling pleased and comfortable, until today. Something happened today that I don't believe has ever happened to me before in my life. My Dad had come to visit, and my psychologist happened to come by while he was here. She was very very kind to my Dad, and she also had very very positive things to say about me. My family has had a long, agonizing time of it all these years trying to get proper help for me. But up until this woman, who cared about me enough not to ever halt my progress just for the money... put it this way: this woman cared both about me and then too, my Dad. It's called responsibility. Handling the position with full sobriety.

And so, the outcome of her visit was that my Dad's thinking about me was transformed. He was very pleased with everything. The way I looked, the way I smiled, and many more things made him very proud.

Well, all of this, my psychologist's positive attitude, and my Dad's newfound confidence in me, resulted in me feeling so strange, that this evening I began to develop physical symptoms. First off, I was convinced I had a high temperature, and I had them check my temp 3 times and it was perfectly normal. Then, after that subsided, I honestly felt I couldn't breathe at all. Fortunately, I have a respiratory therapist tonight who has known me for years, and she very patiently came and tried to help me.

To conclude, friendship can be terrifying for some people. I am looking now at a future of self acceptance, and being wanted and appreciated for what I have to offer. And my Dad jumping on board with it all is just truly amazing. I fear God. That's something I pray will never change. But to fear being loved is not right.

♬    Rebecca St. James: Stand

My adventures with PowerPoint

What is your dream? from Raya Stuiver
This here is a PowerPoint presentation. Somehow I heard about "SlideShare", and I became curious about it and decided, wouldn't it be cool to figure out how to do one? And so, this is basically my third one. I will probably be sharing most of them with y'all because I think what I've been sharing on SlideShare is related to what I share here on Always Your Friend. Hope you like it.

Trust and Never Doubt (by Rizen)

Trust and Never Doubt from Just A Friend on Vimeo.

Getting off of other people's sins, and onto their strengths

This here can make life so much easier. I want to get my focus back on friendship. Friendship is not about changing people, it's about accepting them and loving them right where they are. And this applies to our world view. We should not be aiming to change the world. Rather, our highest hope should be to find meaningful friendships, and enjoy life.

See, a few days ago, I found out that someone close to me is doing something unwholesome. At first, I was completely shocked. I felt hurt that my own ideals and the way I've chosen to live meant so little to him. And earlier today, I realized something. My friends' sins are none of my business. This person loves me and I love him as well, and anything he does that really has no affect on me or our friendship, there is no reason for me to involve myself in. How freeing is that?

Let us stop seeking to fit people into our mold. Matter-of-fact, we probably should toss the mold in the garbage. Even fitting ourselves into it every day gets awfully tedious! Let us, as we seek to make friends, not go into it with an attitude that we're going to go straight for finding out their weakness and teach them how to be like us. That's not friendship. It's fixing people. Being in a fixing position with people is really a drag, isn't it?

Instead, let us meet people with the thought that we will find out all the cool things about them. Let us look to know what makes them happy. Let us find out what foods they like, what sports they like, what actors and musicians they like. I bet there are amazing things to be found out about everybody.

I think what happened to me many years ago, is that I felt so utterly unloved, that something inside me died. And after that, I coped by deciding that I was going to play "the sage". And I pictured in my mind that I was going to sit in my apartment in this enlightened state of mind, and that everybody was going to come to my door, and I would know exactly what Bible verse to share, and their lives would be changed forever. It was my broken heart that caused me to create that in my mind.

Do you think maybe we get hopelessly hurt in love, and our need to fantasize is birthed, and we decide: we're going to be a billionaire, we're going to marry our favorite singer, we're going to become an important world figure? Not only are these things unlikely to happen, but even if they should, they don't remove the original problem, a broken heart.

A broken, lonely heart needs love. There was a time when I was very very broken. And I tried achieving my own little agenda. But it only made things worse. Because indeed I don't know the solution to everybody's problems, neither individually or collectively. What I need is the courage to ask you to be my friend. To like something about me in a real way.

♬    Michelle Tumes: Do Ya

Neither Will I

I Won't Back Down

David Bowie - Starman (1972) HD 0815007

Longevity

Longevity is something that's very much missing from today's world. We don't like something, so we return it to the store and get our money back. Our child has trouble in school, so we send him/her to a private school, or we move to another area where he/she can attend a different school. We don't like a job, we quit and find another. On the flip side, an employee isn't working out, so out the door he goes. We don't like our boyfriend or girlfriend, so we break up and look for someone else. Nowadays, we can even change the gender we're born with. People think nothing of getting divorced. In fact, it seems most people who get married no longer do it with the idea that it's gonna last "Till death do us part". Worst of all, the suicide rate (and homicide) seems to have risen to an all-time high. People don't like their lives, so they just end it.

I used to listen to a lot of radio shows that talked about marriage and relationships. I learned a lot about sticking it out. The concept that "the best way out is through". I once came across a wall hanging that stopped me in my tracks. It said "Bloom where you're planted". The theory is, that God puts us in certain situations to grow us and to strengthen us. God has a special plan for each of our lives, and He has purposes for the circumstances we find ourselves in, even when they are not so pleasant. And because He plans for us to fulfill a particular purpose or purposes, when we move, or separate, or even go for plastic surgery, in the end we are going to find ourselves facing the exact same problems that we left.

You see, because the problem is not him or her or it, the problem is us. The problem is that there is something we lack that we can only attain by getting through our lives the way God has designed them. Be willing to work with what God has given you. After you master it, after you find your way within it. You will be triumphant beyond measure!

♬    Shekinah Glory Ministry: Yes