When those who surround us are not our friends, and we very much need a friend

Hi. I want to write something positive about a very negative type of situation. The reason I must write something positive about it is that if I don't find something positive in it, my condition will get worse. This is how sensitive I am.

So the situation I want to introduce is: when the people who surround us are clearly not our friends, yet we are very much in need of a friend. Sounds very much like what children who are victims of bullying go through. It's painful. But let me direct you once again to some song lyrics. In the song "Hold On", the band Wilson Phillips suggests:

                "Open your heart and your mind
                 Is it really fair to feel this way inside?"

And I have to answer this question, "No. I am not being fair to myself when I dwell on negative, hurtful thoughts that will not solve my problem." So you know what comes to mind? Smile! Share sunshine with others. Give more, take less. What can I do to make other people's day better? Many easy ways I can think of to make a number of people's lives better.

Are there people who want to be your friends, but who you have shut out? For me, the answer to this question would be YES. Why weep over people who do not share my views and my goals, when there are people right at my fingertips who do appreciate my ideas and where I'm trying to go?

As I began this blog segment I felt it was going to be hopeless trying to find something positive to say on this subject. How very wrong I was! Let's practice giving our friendship to those who sincerely want it. Those who remain skeptical about us, we should be polite to them as well. We can think of them as people "who will one day soon come to like and understand us."

♬     Wilson Phillips: Hold On

God Is So Good

Aging - being our own ally when time becomes a foe

Hi. I want to address a very difficult topic, because it is something I am going through right now in my life, and it is painful, both mentally and physically. AGING. Now, I fall right in the middle of what was termed the "baby boomer" generation. 'Baby boomers' are people who were born in a period of time from the mid-fifties to probably the mid to late sixties; a time after WWII, when many people were eager to settle down and start a family. Well anyways, now, the children that were made during that time, have grown older, and many, or most of us are now aging.

Aging is difficult. I  am now in my late 50s, and I feel like at one point in my recent years an iron gate was shut and bolted, and the privileges of being young and pretty and innocent have been shut away from me. Now that I am going to be 60 in two years, I have threatening health problems and there are things I can no longer do. In addition to this, my mother has passed away, and my Dad has lost some of the mental and physical strength he enjoyed most of his life. All of this makes aging very difficult indeed.

But we are going to talk about how we can make aging a more positive experience. One thing I've noticed helps me is humor, and being able to laugh at myself. For instance, I saw a picture that said, " I'm not old. I'm 25 plus shipping and handling" ☺. Also, good friends help. Having people who love me and who respect me. And I'm really glad I've been up front about my disability and the type of housing I'm in, because had I tried to conceal these things, and then this aging experience kicked in, my life would have toppled down like a house of cards.

Then too, as I listened to my musical selection for this blog, Amy Grant's 1974, I noticed that there are attitudes I could adopt that would make my life happier. 1974, is a song about how totally enthralled Amy Grant was with Jesus Christ when she first discovered that he loved her deeply and unconditionally. During this time in her life, God, and serving Him, meant everything to her. I'm quite sure that if I were to fall in love with Jesus all over again, and stop feeling sorry for myself because certain things have not worked out right (yet), I would be a much happier person.

Here in this nursing home, the people I spend most of my time with are kind of fanatical about measurements. Blood pressure, pulse, temperature, respirations. But I do not have to let all these measurements dictate to me who I am. I can refuse to look at myself in this limited way, and embrace the me who is a blessed servant of God, someone who God loves and cherishes.

We can partner with ourselves against the thought that the negative things about aging define us. Let us become loyal friends to the souls within us. So loyal that we don't want to bother our minds with any thoughts that could weaken us. We can create our own iron gate. A gate that shuts away from us all the thoughts that make us feel sad and gloomy. We can break away from worry and see ourselves as wondrous human beings, full of life and potential.

♬    Amy Grant: 1974

Something Beautiful

Friendly, but never a friend

OK, I'm going to get right to it: nobody wants to be bothered with me, and I don't blame them. I can be very fussy, and picayune, and in addition to that, I become cruel when people don't meet my picayune standards. And even when they do try their best, and they live up to my standards, I will still unexpectedly be cruel.

All I can say is I wish to God I was nicer. I don't know how I got this way, but the only positive thing I can say about it is I wish I could be warmer and able to be close, and able to give love that lasts. Maybe it is because I am doing lasting work with a multitude on the Internet, that it is difficult for me to think about caring for people on a one on one basis. I can also say that I have been hurt very badly by people I truly loved very very much.

But trying to figure out how I became so unable to give back is not going to help now. I am in the present now, and I need to really really want to change, or I will continue hurting people and staying isolated. How can I change, and what first steps can I take to change? The first step is always thought to be: recognition. This I am doing even right now. I am admitting that I am a hurtful person, and I am also admitting that I understand why people avoid getting involved with me. There are obviously, reasons that are not so nice for why people don't wanna be bothered with me, such as, I am not powerful or wealthy, but I am singling out one reason, being that I am emotionally unable to give back. Because people would be drawn to me regardless, if I was at all able to form healthy relationships.

So we begin with recognition. But recognition is nothing without a sincere desire and will to change. I have to confess here, I am so afraid of being hurt, that I do not care if I am no longer fit to have a close personal relationship with someone. And I forgive myself for this. Right or wrong, people have been beastly to me, and I wish to stay to myself and offer love from afar. The concern is I may be misperceiving  the care or lack of care that people have given me. I may be making mountains out of molehills, and not receiving love even though it is being offered. In fact, I can see as I think about it that this is true. But will I ever trust myself to handle myself within a friendship? This still remains the question. It is a serious question for me. It is a question, or shall I say, a doubt that needs to be prayed over. Something that I even need to make a priority in prayer.

♬     Nora Jones: Don't Know Why

Happy Valentine's Day! You belong to somebody

♬    I AM HIS AND HE IS MINE
         by. Jackson Taylor


Loved with everlasting love, led by grace that love to know;
Gracious Spirit from above, Thou hast taught me it is so!
O this full and perfect peace! O this transport all divine!
In a love which cannot cease, I am His, and He is mine.
In a love which cannot cease, I am His, and He is mine.

Heav’n above is softer blue, Earth around is sweeter green!
Something lives in every hue Christless eyes have never seen;
Birds with gladder songs o’erflow, flowers with deeper beauties shine,
Since I know, as now I know, I am His, and He is mine.
Since I know, as now I know, I am His, and He is mine.

Things that once were wild alarms cannot now disturb my rest;
Closed in everlasting arms, pillowed on the loving breast.
O to lie forever here, doubt and care and self resign,
While He whispers in my ear, I am His, and He is mine.
While He whispers in my ear, I am His, and He is mine.

His forever, only His; Who the Lord and me shall part?
Ah, with what a rest of bliss Christ can fill the loving heart!
Heav’n and earth may fade and flee, firstborn light in gloom decline;
But while God and I shall be, I am His, and He is mine.
But while God and I shall be, I am His, and He is mine.

I Commit My Love To You

A song that tells it like it is about what friendship
and love should be about

Stand from A Friendly Human Being on Vimeo.

With the hard winter we're having and the stress over the coming election, we need to hold onto our faith.

Lent is coming

OK. Apparently the season of Lent is coming up. Does everyone know what the season of Lent is, or otherwise called "the Lenten season"? Well, I'm sure there are numerous people who may not know, because quite honestly I grew up Jewish, and for many many years, I didn't have the vaguest idea what Lent was.

Lent begins with Ash Wednesday, and I believe ends on Good Friday, or else Easter Sunday. I really do not know much about it even now, but I only know that some Christian denominations, and definitely the Catholic Church, see the weeks of Lent as a time to humble ourselves. A time to be aware of how weak we are, and how very easily the pressures of the world influence us to do things that are not in line with our view of ourselves as servants of God. And therefore, the Church calls upon us to give up something specific, to serve to remind us of our sorrow for our lack of ability to be faithful to Jesus.

I liked these words of Pope Francis about Lent so much that I copied them, and I will now paste them here:

Our beloved Pope Francis offers the following wisdom on the penitential season of Lent:
“As a way of overcoming indifference and our pretensions to self-sufficiency, I would invite everyone to live this Lent as an opportunity for engaging in what Benedict XVI called a formation of the heart (cf. Deus Caritas Est, 31). A merciful heart does not mean a weak heart. Anyone who wishes to be merciful must have a strong and steadfast heart, closed to the tempter but open to God. A heart which lets itself be pierced by the Spirit so as to bring love along the roads that lead to our brothers and sisters. And, ultimately, a poor heart, one which realizes its own poverty and gives itself freely for others”.

I am sharing this with you just to maybe open your eyes to some thoughts on religion and spirituality that people have established over the years. I took a little quiz they offered to help someone figure out what to give up, and I was told to serve the poor. So, many years ago, before I was here in this nursing home, I taught literacy, and that would be something I would have really liked to do. As things stand now, I would like to give some more deep thought to how I could best deepen my service to God for Lent. A good one for me might have to do with waiting a little longer before I put my buzzer on, or holding my tongue when I feel indignant.

Here is the link to the quiz to help people think about what they should give up, in case you're interested.

♬.  Amy Grant: O Sacred Head

My Life Is In Your Hands

Staying connected: The testimony unfolds

I have been in church circles before. I've been a part of various prison ministries, street evangelism, and basically what I'm referring to is groups that go out and share about the offer of Salvation through faith in Jesus Christ. And going out to talk to different kinds of people about Christ, there was always a strategy we prepared: what verses in the Bible to talk about, what to tell people about ourselves and how we had changed after believing... stuff like that.

But what I notice happening over a span of time is something very much more powerful. As I live my life before my friends and people who have known me over time, they have seen me repeatedly die, and then come to Life. And those who have observed me die, and resurrect, have learned what is really important to me, and what God has validated. As those of you who have been reading my blog over a course of time have seen me make my mistakes, you have also seen when, how and why Jesus Christ has sustained me.

We have stayed connected. Recently, I even got a phone call from my boyfriend of 14 years, Andre. It was not the best choice he could have made, but he had to move from the facility we lived in together. And it seemed that for a while he and I were thinking "good riddance". But as we spent time away from each other, we realized how necessary we had become to one another. It was the span of time that we had become familiar with one another that became important. The comfort level we had achieved together. And we saw that Christ's life within our relationship was refusing to die.

So we watch one another live, die, and live again. We see each other mess up, and we see what the Lord resurrects, and what He allows to get left behind. As we stay connected, we see how very important love is. We recognize the caring which is the balm that fits each one of us for the Resurrection.

♬      Dallas Holm: Rise Again

Say Once More, a song of appreciation by Amy Grant

♬      SAY ONCE MORE
          by Amy Grant

(Ohhh....)

Let me say once more that I love you,
Let me say one time, maybe two,
That I love the way that you love me,
And I wish I knew more of you.

Let me say once more that I love you,
Let me say one time, maybe two,
That I love the way that you love me,
And I wish I knew more of you.

Tell me that time can't erase
This look of love on your face.

Let me say once more that I need you,
One more time or just maybe two.
Oh, my life will always be richer
For the time I've spent here with you.

Let me say once more that I love you,
Let me say one time, maybe two,
That I love the way that you love me,
And I wish I knew more of you.

Tell me that time won't erase
The way that my heart sees your face.

I call your name,
You look my way,
It's clear you trust each word I say.
When life is long and problems come,
You'll always be my only one.
So now we're standing face to face,
And with one look your eyes embrace me.
Squeeze away each haunting fear,
And say the words I long to hear.

Tell me that time won't erase
This look of love.

Ohhhh....

Let me say once more.
I love you.
I do, I do, I do, I do, I do.

Let me say once more that I love you,
Let me say one time, maybe two,
That I love the way that you love me,
And I wish I knew more of you.

Let me say once more that I love you,
One more time or just maybe two,
That I love the way that you love me,
And I want to know more of you.