No matter what, always help your friends (and your enemies)

Trying to be a little specific with my title here, only because I'm saying, help those you know personally and come into contact with regularly. If I donated to every worthy cause that asked I would be bankrupt for life! So I want to limit my remarks to helping people we know. So, let's hit it: should we help people, and if so, how?

Many many years ago there was an incident in New York City. A young woman was brutally raped and killed, and research showed afterwards, that it could have been avoided. The woman was screaming and crying for help very loudly. And many people around heard her screams. But, and this was an unprecedented event, they did absolutely nothing. They didn't even pick up the phone and call 911. Later, when these people who heard and maybe even saw the crime were questioned, "Why didn't you try to help?" The unanimous answer was "I DIDN'T WANT TO GET INVOLVED". This incident, all the way back in the 1960s, shocked the entire nation. However, most unfortunately, it seemed to set an example of indifference toward other people's pain, which has remained until this day. From that time on, people decided that it was 'OK' not to get involved. Personally, I am troubled as can be about this type of attitude.

My policy is: ALWAYS GET INVOLVED. If you see someone hurting, and you are in a position to alleviate their pain, help, absolutely! Now, how to help, and why. First of all, your friend, your coworker, your acquaintance, and even someone you see as an enemy, may be hiding their pain. There might be something in their life which they are keeping a secret, and it is causing their behavior to seem offensive. Always assume... or even know, that offensive behavior comes from a troubled mind. And how do we respond to a troubled mind? We do what we can to help. In my dealings with people in my personal life, invariably, when I ask someone who is being mean, "you must be tired... ", I suggest, I always find out that the person has a headache, often when they open up they say they have been getting headaches and they're worried about it. Sometimes I find out that they're worried about a family member, for example a child who's being left with a babysitter, or a sick parent... All these issues in people's lives can show themselves as aggressive behavior. So we need to be really really careful before responding back in an aggressive way. Could be that the last thing someone needs is more worries.

And so, I say, the best thing we can do for someone who needs our help is to pray for them. We can get on that wireless communication of just closing our eyes and trying to connect to God, and praying about that person's concern, whatever they have told us about. Or even if we do not know what is on their mind, if they are frowning, and irritable, we know that there is some type of problem. By praying for someone we can deepen our intimacy with what the he or she is going through, and guess what the result of that is? FRIENDSHIP!

Next, I would say, just be gentle. People are sensitive. Try not to step in in such a way that would hit a nerve or be upsetting to them. Personally, as I said, I find what works for me is to just verbally hinting my concern, and usually that opens up the communication. And once communication is opened up, the hostility will melt. Good communication does away hard feelings.

♬   Mariah Carey: I'll Be There

Patience - not everything is for everybody

How was your day today? Did you feel blessed, or did you feel that you have been dealt a raw deal? I know for myself, some days I'm very happy in my life, and other days I already start the morning with tears in my eyes.

Let me talk a little about my day. Everything seemed to go okay. But one thing I became aware of was that there are all kinds of people in the world. Well, when people don't think as we do, sometimes it is disappointing. Other times, when something we want or need is in the balance, and being able to get what we need is at stake, an argument, or even a fight can ensue.

What we need to understand is that each and every one of us is made differently, and on top of that, our life experiences have caused us to understand life differently. For this reason, when people let us down, we just need to see that in a way, we are more fortunate then they. We have been given greater understanding, for instance, than a person who just, for no reason, flies off the handle. So that we should never judge someone who has a bad temper. We should realize that someone with a bad temper is miserably locked into a behavior pattern that pushes people away. I am just using a bad temper as an example here. The principle applies to a person who is lazy, or else conceited, or greedy, or idolatrous, and yes, even adulterous. It is a person who, undeniably, lacks understanding.

And so, what we need to do is be very quiet and patient with such people. A good way to look at it is something my boyfriend used to say sometimes: "what you eat doesn't make me shit". We don't have to be at all affected by somebody else's ignorance. And the more they see that we're able to stay relaxed around them, the sooner they are likely change.

♬    Amanda Marshall: Why Don't You Love Me

Colors Of The Wind

Colors Of The Wind from Just A Friend on Vimeo.

Hi friends! I made this one due to my concern about the way the change in seasons affect people. The shift from summer to winter is a particularly difficult one. Than also, we have election year approaching, and we do not know whether there are going to be any candidates that we will feel confident voting for. Additionally, there are people who love to come up with scary theories about end times, which have nothing to do with faith and are actually the opposite of faith. All these factors can leave a person pretty stressed out. This video is my attempt to put a positive light on it all. I hope you will find it to be such.

Be a friend of God, and watch Him be a friend of you!

♬   HE WILL SEE YOU THROUGH
       by Billy Preston

When tears have torn your weary face
He will see you through
When it appears you've lost the race
He will see you through

When all your dreams are washed away
He will see you through
And when your feet are turned to clay
He will see you through

Just when it seems you've tried in vain
He will see you through
He loves you so He'll bear your pain
He will see you through

When suffering, no one hears your cry
He will see you through
When every friend has said goodbye
He will see you through

When every day is filled with fear
And gone are those you once held dear
And when the end is drawing near
He will see you through

Home: Ironically, sometimes the loneliest place of all

When speaking of a person who had an abrupt reaction to something that was said, my mother sometimes said "maybe it hit too close to home". Anyone ever heard that phrase? Well let's examine what my mother may have meant by that. I always imagined, in that phrase, the word "home" was a symbol for the heart. When something was said that hit too close to home, it was something that touched a nerve in the heart (or soul) and it was too raw, or painful to discuss. But why would hitting too close to home mean touching on something too difficult to discuss? That's what we've really got to look at.

Home is where people know us best, isn't it? You could say they know us through and through. They are able to observe our schedule, know what time of day we are the most fatigued, they know when we are normally happiest, and they know what makes us happy and what makes us upset. I think everyone will agree with my next statement: they know how to get on our nerves, don't they? They know how to irritate us.

I grew up an only child. My brother was not born till I was 16. So I lived a very very sheltered existence growing up. My brother was born at the same time that I got into the most difficult age for parents to deal with kids, my mid teens. And when it was the two of us, and my parents were by that time already middle aged, it was very very difficult for every one of us.

But backtracking to what I was saying. I was very much spoiled and protected most of my life. But I had 2 close friends who both were from families of 4 (4 kids). I saw them purposely and deliberately driving one another bananas. And for no reason at all! And I'd say to my friends, "why are you doing that??" But besides these childhood experiences, I've heard complaints about housemates that got on people's nerves, and you hear all the time about people such as boyfriends, husbands, and many many exes, that just hit too close to home. They erk us. They drive us bananas!

May I suggest that we can see this all as love? These people know us well. We matter to them. And sometimes the more we matter to someone, the more he or she will irritate us. They want us to love them as much as they love us. And when they feel lost, when they feel there is no way we will ever love them the way they love us, they will use little ploys to get us to notice them.

This is the way I try to look at my own situation. In my nursing home, there are people who want to be friends, but they can't figure out a way to let me know. And when they come in and see me preoccupied with my phone, it can make them feel awfully lonely. Some of the people who work here dream of reaching out in a real way to people with disabilities. And when they can't get my attention, they come up with some outrageous tactics to try and irritate me.

Knowing that many of the people in my life need love, and myself believing that love should be our number one priority, I need to rethink my behavior toward my caregivers. When people enter my room wanting to be of help to me, whatever I'm doing on my phone needs to wait. And if I practice giving my caregivers my undivided attention, in the long run my life will be a lot less complicated. Because in good times and in bad, though we may not notice it, love is having its way.

♬    Air Supply: Lost In Love

Thou Art Worthy

Marriage - Is It All I Should Look Forward To?

Marriage - Is It All I Should Look Forward To? from Raya Stuiver

John 12:24

Wings Of An Eagle

Wings Of An Eagle from Just A Friend on Vimeo.

He Careth For You

A good friend can raise the dead - A sequel to "What Matters Most", which I wrote on my birthday

Hello friends. I want to begin this blog with a copy of a post from my Instagram, which I posted on September 30, the day after my birthday:

Well I'm awake, and I woke up and remembered how selfish people were yesterday. So unfortunate for those who truly and sincerely wanted me to have a good day. And I don't know where to go from here. And those who wanted me to cease and desist with all my nice projects are going to have their way. They would love nothing more than to see me give up, and I have given up. I'm scared that I'll probably go to Hell, and I am scared. And that is the only thing. Cause after knowing how severe suffering can get, I can only begin to imagine what Hell will be like. Look, I wanna apologize to the ones who care about me, but you have placed your money on the wrong horse. I didn't have the strength to make it to the finish line. Let my enemies and haters rejoice!

A photo posted by A Friend of God ☝ (@afriendlyhumanbeing) on Sep 30, 2015 at 4:36am PDT

The mood that comes out in this post, is the mood of a heart that has been put to death. And shortly after this that I shared, I ended up calling a good friend in administration and crying "I want to kill myself!", after which immediately 3 people came to my room: she, the manager of the unit I'm on, and shortly after that, my psychologist came and I talked to her, and settled down a good bit. But I want to tell you what I shared with the psychologist, and why I settled down.

I told my psychologist that "I believe God can raise the dead. I believe God can bring to life that which has died." And I shared a couple of scriptures with her regarding that. Particularly important to me was the well known Bible verse that says "If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart, that God has raised him from the dead, you shall be saved". And I told the psychologist that I do. I firmly do believe in my heart that God has raised him from the dead. And this is what gives me hope.

Well, I still lay here very depressed and very unmotivated. I didn't even feel like touching my phone and usually I'm always working on one project or another. And suddenly, a little after lunch time, someone said with a smile, "Raya, special delivery!" Well, I looked, and it occurred to me a little but I thought "couldn't be Andre". Andre was another resident in this building until a short while ago, and he and I had fallen very much in love and had been going steady for over 13 years, and basically considered ourselves common-law married. So I looked up. And first I saw his mother, and I thought well maybe it was just his mother stopping by to say hello. But THEN ... THERE HE WAS! My man!!! And it was exactly like the story about how Jesus raised his friend Lazarus from the dead! The Bible tells us that Jesus stood in front of the cave Lazarus's tomb was placed in and shouted "Lazarus! Come forth!" And immediately Lazarus, a dead man, came walking out of the cave, alive and whole. And the moment I saw Andre coming in my door, it was like BOOM! What was dead just moments before, was all the way back to life!

That is what love can do my friends. No amount of wealth can do that. No amount of fame can do that. No amount of intelligence or talent can do that. Only love.

♬   Uncle Sam: When I See You Smile