So I've been having a series of good days, and feeling pleased and comfortable, until today. Something happened today that I don't believe has ever happened to me before in my life. My Dad had come to visit, and my psychologist happened to come by while he was here. She was very very kind to my Dad, and she also had very very positive things to say about me. My family has had a long, agonizing time of it all these years trying to get proper help for me. But up until this woman, who cared about me enough not to ever halt my progress just for the money... put it this way: this woman cared both about me and then too, my Dad. It's called responsibility. Handling the position with full sobriety.
And so, the outcome of her visit was that my Dad's thinking about me was transformed. He was very pleased with everything. The way I looked, the way I smiled, and many more things made him very proud.
Well, all of this, my psychologist's positive attitude, and my Dad's newfound confidence in me, resulted in me feeling so strange, that this evening I began to develop physical symptoms. First off, I was convinced I had a high temperature, and I had them check my temp 3 times and it was perfectly normal. Then, after that subsided, I honestly felt I couldn't breathe at all. Fortunately, I have a respiratory therapist tonight who has known me for years, and she very patiently came and tried to help me.
To conclude, friendship can be terrifying for some people. I am looking now at a future of self acceptance, and being wanted and appreciated for what I have to offer. And my Dad jumping on board with it all is just truly amazing. I fear God. That's something I pray will never change. But to fear being loved is not right.
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