Get Up and Boogie (Silver Convention)

H


Hey friends!!! I'm stopping by here today because it's my birthday. September 29, 1957 was when I was born. Hopefully, I will set aside some time to write soon because I do have an interesting topic in mind. But here today I am dancing with y'all via YouTube video.

Friendship is valuable

There are all kinds of things to be said on the subject of friendship being valuable. What first comes to mind for me, our friendships are enhanced as we continue to go the distance with our friends. However, a situation occurred in my life with a couple of fairly new facebook friends, and it caused me some sorrow, but I had to unfriend them. I imagine the majority of my facebook friends know about my  A True Friend Facebook page, and if they take any sincere interest in me at all, then they've gotta have some idea that I am trying my best to be a true friend. Well, call it paranoia or something, but recently I was socializing with a fairly new facebook friend, and I made mention in passing of something that was bugging me here where I live (in my nursing home). After that, she ignored me and I got shut out of the conversation. And afterwards I continued to be ignored.

You know what this told me? This told me very simply that she placed no value on our friendship. And I will say it in the tone a former art teacher I had in my freshman year of Art School. He came to my piece and said in a very clear voice. "Uh-uh!" Translated that would mean, "This will not do at all". And this is what I am telling you guys here at Always Your Friend. When you recognize that your friendship means nothing to somebody, time to go. Yes patience and trying to see the best in people are very important components to a positive relationship. But there are times when making a good effort comes to an end. There will be people who assume that if you are trying your best to be a good person then you will put up with anything. But if someone is taking away your peace of mind, when being around a person is unpleasant every time, then as far as I'm concerned it is time to say bye.

It is impossible to be a true friend when one specific "friend" is zapping your energy and self confidence. Walk away from a relationship that is constantly worrisome and only makes you unhappy.

♬   Pat Benatar: Treat Me Right

Jealousy, is it all that bad?

History carries throughout itself a variety of attitudes which are specific to different time periods or eras. For example, I was taught that during the time of the Puritans in early America, a man and a woman had to have an actual wooden division between them during a date to prevent them from getting intimate. So mortified were the Puritans at the concept of sex outside of marriage. Today, we are hardly putting up barriers between people when they date. Quite the opposite is true. Contraception, as well as aids for any type of sexual act someone might seek, are available for the asking.

But no, A True Friend is not getting on her beef tonight about premarital sex. I am just pointing out how very very different time periods in history can be. The subject tonight is, jealousy. I remember when I was a tweenager, and my best girlfriend Linda got her first kiss on the lips from a guy before I did, the envy built up inside me immensely.

What is jealousy and envy really? Part of it is comparing ourselves to others. Part of is feeling 'left behind' when a dear friend is prospering and we recognize, we do not have what our friend has. But I have tried in my own personal life just to come out sometimes and declare "I'M JEALOUS!" I've only been able to do it when it's a very small matter, because when there is a strong jealousy about something someone has, you get yelled at. In our age (era) jealousy is something that has to be covered up and concealed like a corpse when someone is afraid of being indicted for murder. Such is the shame associated with wanting something somebody else has.

Yes, one of the ten commandments is not to covet. But so are not to use God's name in vane, to honor the Sabbath day, many other commandments that we are unable to comply with. Let's take our jealousies out of the closet. Let us understand that jealousy, when someone has something we wish we had and do not, is completely normal. When we realize this, we can feel more comfortable with ourselves. If we accept that jealousy is a part of life, when we no longer feel mandated to keep it a deep dark secret, all kinds if friendships might form where we never would have believed they could!

♬Kim Hill: Mysterious Ways

Hatred, rejection and friendship

Moving along on the same theme of hatred and friendship, and being prepared to protect ourselves, let me say that nobody enjoys hating someone. Knowing that love is the greatest thing life has to offer, and we feel delighted to know that someone loves us, and we often feel delighted to be around people that we can appreciate and love, and so we know that the opposite of that, finding faults in people and oftentimes being sure that they for whatever reason do not like us, is a very very uncomfortable and sometimes even desperate place to be.

But an element comes into play in all of this, that if we get a good grasp on it, we can make all of our relationships flow better. We need to understand that everybody, everybody is protecting certain things that we do not know about them, and they feel sure that if we knew these facts, feelings, elements of their life experience, they would lose us. Therefore, there are times when people behave unreasonably. When people say and do things to us that are hurtful and don't make sense, they may be working very very hard to get us to back off, because we have touched an area that they feel extremely insecure with us about.

Take even saying the three most wonderful words "I love you". That's stressful! Do you see how all the insecurities mentioned in the previous paragraph could be very intense, when the person longs to let you know that they love you? Golly!

You could say this approach to hate and insult is like seeing life through rose colored glasses. But the practical point to take from this is that vicious behavior, hurtful words, can be looked at as the person telling you to back off. They are saying "you and what you stand for, I'm uncomfortable with at this time." At this time! Be patient, is the unspoken favor they ask. "Be patient, and I will pay you everything."

♬ Billy Vera and the Beaters: At This Moment

When there is no salvaging the friendship

I actually am specifically talking about a friendship with a relative. You also might have relatives that you are mandated to keep company with, but every time you see them they make you feel horrible.

My Dad, who was for these past few months my pride and joy, has disappointed me deeply. I feel sad about it. But I have a hunch at this point, that now that he has lost control of his temper the way he used to do for many years, there is no going back to the joy that we have been experiencing.

But the beauty of being a true friend is that no matter what the hardship, a true friend is true. Rather than just getting disgusted and throwing out her value system, a true friend adapts. Whatever the situation, the question is, how can I be the best friend I can be under these circumstances?

I am seeing that, at 84 years old (he will be 84 in November), and by me being his daughter, there is almost no chance that I will change him. But his character is not my responsibility. As friends, we are not responsible for other people's friendship styles. Our responsibility is however, to guard our hearts from hurt. We can remain a true friend to someone, even when they do not know as much as we do about what friendship means. But we must detach from them emotionally.

Not easy to change the way we react to someone, especially a relative who is well aware of our tender spots. But there are times when we must make a serious effort to do it.  When we see anyone becoming a threat to our happiness, we need to adjust the picture in our minds of the kind of friend the person is. Like everything in life, friendship is a learning process. We learn our friends. We learn how much of ourselves we can afford to give to each of our friends individually.

♬  Helen Reddy: Ain't No Way to Treat a Lady

How even hatred is important to friendship

Hate is a very very awful thing. Jesus said that "He who is angry with his brother without cause is a murderer". Indeed, the ultimate end of hate is murder.

There are a variety of reasons why someone might hate us. There are a number of reasons why we might hate someone. And then there also exists the hatred of a group of people. Jews, Blondes, short people, fat people... Obviously the list is endless.

And then there is a hate common to all of us. All of us at times, hate everybody. Each of us has been given gifts. Each of us is unique, and each of us has a set of values that we will not compromise. And when we see that the rest of the world compromises values that we know they should not be compromising, this is the level where we each have our own reason to despise everybody.

Yet hatred plays an important part in friendship. It creates in us the wisdom to protect the tenderest part inside our hearts. We come to realize that we need to avoid becoming so vulnerable to someone that we give them the power to destroy us. This is when having a certain measure of hate is healthy. A knowing that we are different from others. An acceptance that we are separate human beings.

♬   Haddaway: What is Love

A weight loss program for the blog

OK, I just want to make a little note here about the nature of this blog. As much as possible, I am into a number of things but my aim is to avoid discussing anything that does not relate to or enhance friendship. When writing on this blogspot, I only want to talk about things that enhance friendship.

And so, as I was fixing up the blog recently, I noticed that there were way too many music videos. I guess my thought in posting them was that I had intended my A True Friend YouTube channel to coordinate with this blog, as well as my A True Friend Facebook page. But I have decided that there were way too many music videos here, and I feel they may deter readers from finding topics that they would appreciate more.

Therefore, I am going to remove many of the music videos, and leave the written material. The song downloads with lyrics will stay.

If you happen to be interested  in my videos, they are at

https://youtube.com/user/4theSakeofFriendship

I wish you a happy and prosperous week.

A True Friend

Friendship keeps hope alive

How many of you have been treated unjustly? Things have happened not the way they aught to and not the way you expected them to. And it has cost you to suffer. Not fair.

The American way is to approach someone in a higher position and get somebody 'higher-up", to force the situation to go your way. Not the way of friendship. See, with friendship, we always view the attacker as someone who has the potential to like us. We always see the enemy as a potential friend. As someone, who if they came to understand the way of love, would gladly and willingly do good to us.

And so, even though a person has wronged us, we hold off a confrontation. A confrontation will only bring to a head the differences and animosity that is between you. It will take you further away from a peaceful resolve.

At first, sacrifice may be involved with holding your peace, but in a short time, you will come to see that accepting a slight suffering can turn the whole situation around for you. Always love.

♬ Mouth and MacNeal: How Do You Do