Let There Be Peace On Earth

Looking forward to more friendship in the New Year. I'll be around! (God willing)

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do from A Friendly Human Being on Vimeo.

The biggest friendship issue of 2015: trying to stop caring

So much could be discussed under this topic. But for now I just want to go into: caring for a person who does not seem to care about you. It has been the prevailing topic on, at least the social media that I've been on, of 2015. Women wanting to be free of men who are no longer nice to them, and men needing to get over women.

So let me make an outline, cause there's lots to discuss:

A. Avoid becoming sexually active

    It is very much more difficult to break it off with someone once you have enjoyed good sex with him/her. You remember the sensations, the emotions, and I've been told it's almost impossible to get someone out of your mind after being sexually active with him/her. So, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. You will not be hurting as badly when a relationship ends if there was no sex.

B.   Concentrate on those who do care

  Think about those people in your life who do care about you, and spend most of your time with them. Are there people in your life who you have been taking for granted? People who really believe in you and love you, but you figure, "oh they'll always be around, no need to cultivate that relationship". Often the love of mom and dad is given a very poor rating where the priorities of young men and women are concerned. But the people who value you should be the ones you concentrate on. Often it turns out that with putting some effort into these relationships, you will be amazed how much more rewarding they can be than you ever thought.

C.   Distance

  As best you are able, distance yourself geographically from someone you are trying to forget. The saying is, "out of sight and out of mind". If you can create a situation where it will be more difficult for you and the person to see each other, then it will be easier to give up on him/her, and to put your mind on more important things. But you have to really really see how much going on with a damaging relationship is stealing from your quality of life. It takes a real commitment to your own happiness to decide, I want the very best for myself, no matter what the cost. And if you mean it, you will relocate, if he/she's a coworker, you will find a new job, and basically do whatever it takes to make it clear to both you and him/her that the relationship has no future.

In closing, I just want to say that the emphasis made by society on sex and romantic love is completely out of proportion. We don't have to be married. We don't have to have perfect bodies or perfect facial features. And if we do not get married, it doesn't mean there was something wrong with our bodies or our faces. Stand your ground! Be you. Marry you. Tell yourself, "I (your name) do lawfully take myself, forsaking all others: to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for better or worse, till the day I die".

♬ Paul Simon: 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover

You're not alone!

♬    ROCK N'ROLL SUICIDE
        by David Bowie

Time takes a cigarette, puts it in your mouth
You pull on your finger, then another finger, then your
cigarette
The wall-to-wall is calling, it lingers, then you forget
Ohhh, you're a rock 'n' roll suicide

You're too old to lose it, too young to choose it

And the clock waits so patiently on your song
You walk past a cafe but you don't eat when you've lived
too long
Oh, no, no, no, you're a rock 'n' roll suciide

Chev brakes are snarling as you stumble across the road

But the day breaks instead so you hurry home
Don't let the sun blast your shadow
Don't let the milk float ride your mind
You're so natural - religiously unkind

Oh no love! you're not alone
You're watching yourself but you're too unfair
You got your head all tangled up but if I could only make you care
Oh no love! you're not alone
No matter what or who you've been
No matter when or where you've seen
All the knives seem to lacerate your brain
I've had my share, I'll help you with the pain
You're not alone

Just turn on with me and you're not alone
Let's turn on with me and you're not alone
Let's turn on and be not alone
Gimme your hands cause you're wonderful [x2]
Oh gimme your hands.

O Holy Night

O Holy Night from Just A Friend on Vimeo.

As I began to think about it, Joseph is not given nearly as much credit as he should for facilitating the birth of Christ. He took diligent care of Mary, throughout her pregnancy and delivery, and without Joseph, Mary could not have made it to night she gave birth. Therefore I chose this image that brings out Joseph's tenderness and love for Jesus Christ.

Romantic love and friendship

I think about this subject, and it seems so very vast. I think of so much that can be talked about, yet I know that I can only hope to touch upon some basic points.

To set the stage, I will tell you that my boyfriend of almost 14 years and I have all but completely split up. In my heart and mind, I have decided not to give up on him, though I might temporarily have to give up on our relationship. The reason I'm not giving up on him is because after 14 years of seeing him, I am fully convinced that he loves me and that he needs me. However, at this point, he has had to move out of the building we lived in together due of his cigarette smoking, and now I'm pretty sure he has another girlfriend, all because he needs someone to help support his habit, and although I fully understand how addictive cigarette smoking can be, I am watching him ruin his life because of it.

But smoking is not so much the enemy here, as DISTANCE. Distance has reeked havoc with our friendship. But why? What is it about distance that makes it such a destroyer of romantic love? A big factor, I happen to think, is that while two people who love each other are apart from each other, the familiarity with the beloved, and with the nature of the love, fades. As familiarity with one another fades, worry sets in, and insecurity. Thoughts like

     "Why did she say that?"
     "Why hasn't he called?"
     "How can this work?"

This is where the rest of our friends can give advice that actually works against the relationship, and serves to destroy the relationship. Simply put, it's the "you deserve better" game. Both people are being told by their own friends that they deserve better, and that they are being taken advantage of.

So the bottom line as far as choosing whether to stay with someone or "kick him/her to the curb" (bear with my urban slang here), is to search your heart. I mean, really really give some thought: Do you love him or her? Are you comparing him or her in your mind to someone you went with before? Are you comparing him or her to someone more ideal who you think is still coming into your life one day?

Classic example here of someone who made a huge mistake. There was a friend of mine who was very happily going with someone, and actually had gotten engaged. And they loved each other very much. Then, she happened to start seeing a fortune teller, and the fortune teller told her that she was going to marry Joseph, and give birth to Jesus. The fortune teller told her she must break up with the man she was seeing, and wait for Joseph to come into her life. Totally ridiculous advice if ever there was any! But do you know she did it? She gave up a real man who had put a real engagement ring on her finger, to wait for a man who lived and died 2,000 years ago!

Friends, it sounds ridiculous, but I have seen quite a few women do this, in one form of it or another. I could give more examples, but time precludes. I might go into some of this again though. But let me encourage you, if you love someone, if you are comfortable with him or her, and if the relationship has stood the test of time, it's time to stop looking around for someone better. Your friend might not be perfect. He might not open car doors. He might not even buy you flowers. But if you know that you know that you know that he loves you, I would recommend for you to hold on to him. Because "Joseph" may not show up for a very long time.

♬   Sade: Hang On To Your Love

Emmanuel

This was a challenging song to sing, and also to create a video for. I hope you enjoy it

Run Rudolph Run

Run Rudolph Run from Just A Friend on Vimeo.

If I had my life to live over, I might have tried to learn how to do animation. This is just so cute!

Silver Bells

Silver Bells from Just A Friend on Vimeo.

We do well to put aside all our worries and anxieties and simply rejoice that our Savior gave up His throne in Heaven and took on human flesh, so that He could experience what it was like to be our comrade. And then we know that He loved us so much that He died in our place.

When people are disagreeable

Recently, I talked about agreeing. I also touched upon the subject of "agreeing to disagree". But what about when people just don't want to agree, or be agreed with? Has that ever happened to you?

For me, it brings to mind a religious person I had a conversation with a number of years ago. He brought up one doctrinal point after another, and made some pretty wild assertions about things such as the Sabbath day, Christ's second coming, the kinds of foods we should eat, and on and on. Now, I have always been committed to friendship, and my philosophy is, rather than debate issues that we don't see eye to eye on, let's concentrate on the idea that, we care about each other. So with every wild assertion that this man made, I tried to find some area of it that I could say,  "yes, I can see how this is so". But it didn't end there. He persisted in making more bold points that he knew were controversial. It seemed after a while, that he was looking for an argument.

What should we do when someone wants to create a problem? So many people's minds just seem to gravitate to finding some area in a relationship that they can complain about. I see it every day in some people when they come into work. Sometimes they just think it's the cool thing to do to speak harshly and negatively. Yet the funny thing about it is, we all want Paradise, don't we?

Well, recently I have discovered a better way to handle it. I stay focused on the idea that, I cannot control what others say and do. But I can control what I say and do. There are actually a number of things I can say and do, and think about to get these kinds of interactions under control. First, I forgivingly disregard the offense. When someone initiates a disagreeable interaction, I stay focused on the fact that I want to be friends, and I try in whatever way I can, to reassure them that I want to be friends.

Some people only say unpleasant things because they want to say something, and though their motive is to let you know they care, they can't help but make a comment that, at first seems unkind. I have to confess, in years past, I've actually done this myself. Though I meant no harm, and was only looking for a way to start a conversation, the words that came out of my mouth could easily be perceived as insulting. So, at the onset of another person's, shall we say "questionable" behavior, let us stay committed to friendship.

People are fragile in some ways. Every one of us is afraid to say "I love you", are we not? So let's think about the people we encounter every day, and have compassion. Know that there are things in their lives that they are secretly struggling with. Sometimes struggling very hard. And wake up every morning with the goal, that whatever anyone says or does today, YOU ARE GOING TO BE A FRIEND

♬    Yvonne Elliman: I Don't Know How To Love Him

Christmassy

The Element of Surprise 

The Little Drummer Boy

The Little Drummer Boy from Just A Friend on Vimeo.

O Little Town Of Bethlehem/Away In A Manger

O Little Town Of Bethlehem/Away In A Manger from Just A Friend on Vimeo.

Everything's Gonna Be Alright

Everything's Gonna Be Alright from Just A Friend on Vimeo.

Ode to Bethlehem

Can we consider someone a friend if he or she is not trustworthy?

Often, when I address an issue on this blog, it is not because I know the answer. Rather, I take apart the components of a situation in the hope that as I reflect on it together with you, a resolution will come about.

I'm thinking actually, of a specific person who has repeatedly disappointed me, and I found out that she didn't love me as much as she claimed she did. But then, that's the question, isn't it? Can someone love us, who for reasons we may never know, just can't make a full fledged commitment to be honest with us, and to love us in the wholeness of what is our definition of love? I still remember, what a friend from days gone by once told me about her mother. She said "I'm learning to let her love me in the only way she can". As I think about it, none of our friends are perfect. Even my dad, who right now in my life I would say is my best friend, and my other good friends as well, cannot deliver to me what I need 100% of the time.

So the answer I would give to my title question is, Yes. There may be people in our lives who truly love us, but (most likely) because of what they have experienced of love, or maybe even what they learned was love growing up, are not completely trustworthy, and may even let us down in a big way at times. People such as these need us to be patient.

Then too whatever we need from them that we are unable to get from them, in my life, I have decided just to pray about it, and keep a positive attitude. Whatever the unfulfilled need is, it may not be as severe as it seems.

♬   Sounds of Blackness: Hold On (Change is Coming)

The Lord Thy God

The Lord Thy God from Just A Friend on Vimeo.