When people are disagreeable

Recently, I talked about agreeing. I also touched upon the subject of "agreeing to disagree". But what about when people just don't want to agree, or be agreed with? Has that ever happened to you?

For me, it brings to mind a religious person I had a conversation with a number of years ago. He brought up one doctrinal point after another, and made some pretty wild assertions about things such as the Sabbath day, Christ's second coming, the kinds of foods we should eat, and on and on. Now, I have always been committed to friendship, and my philosophy is, rather than debate issues that we don't see eye to eye on, let's concentrate on the idea that, we care about each other. So with every wild assertion that this man made, I tried to find some area of it that I could say,  "yes, I can see how this is so". But it didn't end there. He persisted in making more bold points that he knew were controversial. It seemed after a while, that he was looking for an argument.

What should we do when someone wants to create a problem? So many people's minds just seem to gravitate to finding some area in a relationship that they can complain about. I see it every day in some people when they come into work. Sometimes they just think it's the cool thing to do to speak harshly and negatively. Yet the funny thing about it is, we all want Paradise, don't we?

Well, recently I have discovered a better way to handle it. I stay focused on the idea that, I cannot control what others say and do. But I can control what I say and do. There are actually a number of things I can say and do, and think about to get these kinds of interactions under control. First, I forgivingly disregard the offense. When someone initiates a disagreeable interaction, I stay focused on the fact that I want to be friends, and I try in whatever way I can, to reassure them that I want to be friends.

Some people only say unpleasant things because they want to say something, and though their motive is to let you know they care, they can't help but make a comment that, at first seems unkind. I have to confess, in years past, I've actually done this myself. Though I meant no harm, and was only looking for a way to start a conversation, the words that came out of my mouth could easily be perceived as insulting. So, at the onset of another person's, shall we say "questionable" behavior, let us stay committed to friendship.

People are fragile in some ways. Every one of us is afraid to say "I love you", are we not? So let's think about the people we encounter every day, and have compassion. Know that there are things in their lives that they are secretly struggling with. Sometimes struggling very hard. And wake up every morning with the goal, that whatever anyone says or does today, YOU ARE GOING TO BE A FRIEND

♬    Yvonne Elliman: I Don't Know How To Love Him