Dealing with an offense-- a few more possibilities

Just so that we can exhaust the options available to us when handling someone who has hurt or offended us, here are a few more options:

Many people find that giving the "hurter" what is known as the silent treatment, works very well as a way of letting someone know that we have been hurt. I've heard good things about this technique. Personally though, I can't vouch for it because I find it impossible to stay silent. As soon as the person catches on that indeed, I am giving them the silent treatment,  they pry my mouth open in moments.  So I can't say I've had much success with this.

My own tendency is to get fiesty with the person who has caused me hurt. There are observations I've made about my friends, and when someone has upset or angered me, I draw from my knowledge, and figure out how it relates to what I've noticed about the person. I then share what I hope are good insights with him or her with the hope that after some thought, they will make better choices.

But we are here to discuss FRIENDSHIP. And although all these methods may work, we want, together to come up with an approach where we can improve our relationship with one who has upset us, and draw him or her into a better quality friendship.

Here is one striking lesson I learned from listening to young teenagers speak on a call-in Christian radio show. Now this took place over ten years ago. But it was a call-in radio show for teenagers, and one night the question was, "What do you do when you are upset about something?" Do you know, many of the kids who called in said "I don't do anything."? "I do nothing". "I walk into my room and just sit quietly". I imagine what they did was just try to relax and wait until they felt better about the upset. Till they could think clearly about what the best way to handle it would be.

See, when we are hurting over something someone has said or done, maybe we need to ask within ourselves-- am I correct in the way I'm reacting to this? Are my expectations of the one who hurt me realistic? When we really think about it, placing expectations on others will often lead to hurt and disappointment. What we should seek to do is consider the thought that realationships are different, whether they're close as husband and wife, or strained as boss and employee. All of us have come from different backgrounds, had different experiences, and learned the lessons of life in a different manner. Therefore, when something someone does shocks or disappoints us, it is a signal that we need to widen what we see as our field of common understanding. We may have assumed that someone was more similar to us than they turned out to be. But similarity is not a prerequisite for a good friendship.

Depeche Mode: People Are