Well my friends, I want to share with you a very key point that will strengthen you in your ability to handle yourself in any social situation. I am going to write about what I am going through right now.
This evening I was searching for an animation of a crowded elevator. I was going to take a tweet I wrote and turn it into an illustration. Don't remember what I was trying to express anymore. But I searched for it from this afternoon before supper, and I refused to give up. I loved this little animation, and what kept going through my mind was a saying that you may have heard if you frequent the internet. The saying that kept going through my mind was "losers quit when they're tired, winners quit when they've won". And because of this saying I spent almost my entire day looking for this one animation of a crowded elevator. And guess what? I never found it. I had to give up.
And this little disappointment got me thinking about a number of efforts that I made recently that were unsuccessful. I had been asked to give a little art lesson once a week to interested residents. At first, it went really really well. Then, with the holidays and all that goes with that major portion of the calendar year, things fell apart with my lessons, and finally I had a not so pleasant talk with the recreation director, and I resigned.
Then, this week, another important issue came up. About three months ago, PT had taken the wheelchair I had used for many years, and they wanted me to try a wider chair. Well, I don't get up very often, but the times that I used this wider chair, I found it very very difficult to propel. So about a week ago I called the physical therapy department and asked for my old chair back. The PT director stated that she wanted to measure me before she gave it back to me to make sure it was appropriate for me. But I insisted, I wanted it back immediately. And so, maintenance looked for it, and brought it back in my room. However, that wasn't the end of the difference of opinion about which chair I should be using. So we ended up meeting yesterday morning in my room. It was myself, the physical therapist, the two social workers who work here, the administrator, and my aide, who assisted me into the chair. But everyone in the room was sharply against my using the old wheelchair. I handled it very well, and so we are all going to be thinking about how to make me more comfortable in a slightly larger chair. But this could be viewed, once again, as a failed attempt to get what I wanted.
And so, after a couple of tough weeks of setbacks, plus my condition is not that good anyway and I don't feel that I take very good care of myself, and then, spending almost the whole day looking for an image online, and coming out of it empty handed. Very very easy for me to feel like a failure. But guess what? I didn't allow myself to. I realized that every day is different. I realized that by as early as tomorrow somebody might come in my room with a radiant smile on their face, and be delighted to see me. Whether or not that will happen, I know that it behooves me to believe that I have worth. I have learned by watching the mistakes of others, that nothing in the world should ever, EVER stop me from believing in myself. The events that occur in this world are just props. They're trinkets. What lasts forever is who I am in my soul. Therefore, I plan to continue to stay committed to being... maybe not the world's best athlete or the world's most highly paid paraplegic, but a friend. Always Your Friend.
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