Catch the Guilt

Okay. Something has gone seriously wrong within a friendship. One friend very definitely wants the friendship to take on one shape  The other very definitely is against it, and does not at all want the friendship to take the shape that, we will call them 'Friend 1' and 'Friend 2'. Friend 2 does not at all want the kind of friendship Friend 1 is attempting to establish. And the struggle for the shape of this friendship can go on for years. And the friendship, though for the most part it is firmly grounded, can make both friends very unhappy and concerned at times.

Friendships can be so multifaceted. And loyalty can have one definition to friend 1, and a different definition to Friend 2. This makes it so that expectations are different, and the opinion on whether this friendship is satisfying or not sort of changes with the tide.

But I titled this blog, Catch the Guilt, and I will now explain why. The friendship between Friend 1 and Friend 2 that we are looking at, because expectations are different, will at times gravitate to a game, where Friend 1 tosses accusations to Friend 2 because of what he wants Friend 2 to put into the friendship, and then, Friend 2 tosses accusations back to Friend 1. And all because of illusions that both friends hold about what they think will make them happier and closer.

Obviously, when friends play this guilt game, they feel very uncomfortable, and these are not happy events within their friendship. So what do we do when the guilt ball is tossed at us by someone we love? Do we simply catch it, and allow our friend to express his/her anger? It's really not the worse response, but you have to be mature enough if you're going to accept your friend's accusations, and fully understand that this is something they feel, and you are free to make your own assessment as to how much validity what your friend thinks and feels has as far as you are concerned.

And so that's the skill that the game "Catch the Guilt" requires: maturity. When Catch the Guilt is taking place within a friendship frequently, let's be the friend that receives the ball of accusations, but doesn't give into the temptation to throw it back. Understand that this is a collection of expectations that your friend has created, and if they are not expectations that you include in your own personal goals, then I would just realize, even when friends are close, you and your friends are different people and there will always be times when you don't see eye to eye.

♬  Amy Grant: If These Walls Could Speak