If we had a friend detector, or some kind of calculator... that could tell us very quickly whether someone in our lives is a real friend, how would we program it? What qualities would we get it too look for, where if an individual possessed these qualities, we would know that we could trust him or her with our hearts?
One indicator of the type of friend someone is, would be how they react when good things happen to us. I've noticed now, that not everyone who claims that they love me or shows signs that they wish to be my friend reacts appropriately to the various types of events in my life. When I interact with a person who gets mad when good things happen to me, and almost seems to enjoy watching me struggle on a tough day, I can't help but question the sincerity of a person like this.
I had a friend in grade school for instance, whose parents were in the middle of an ugly divorce. My parents, were happily married, and both my friend and her mother latched onto our family intensely at that time. However, both Susan and her mother were saying hurtful things to us, and instead of distancing ourselves, in the name of friendship we tried to make it work.
What do we do when people like this come into our lives? What do we do with people who sincerely want to be our friends, but their emotional instability is preventing them from being a friend we can value?
The issue of neediness plays a part in this, the type of person I've described here badly needs a good friend. We also, may need a friend. Always good to have friends. So, rather than outright rejecting this "so-called" friend, we can opt for trying to bring out the best on him or her. We can attempt to tread softly on the areas of this person's weak spots. Remain aware that this person has been less fortunate in certain ways. Be kind, but do not give your everything to the friendship. Cautiously overlook any unpleasant comments and intentions that this person displays. Redefine the type of friendship it is. Love exists in every friendship. But complete trust should remain between you and God only.
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