When speaking of a person who had an abrupt reaction to something that was said, my mother sometimes said "maybe it hit too close to home". Anyone ever heard that phrase? Well let's examine what my mother may have meant by that. I always imagined, in that phrase, the word "home" was a symbol for the heart. When something was said that hit too close to home, it was something that touched a nerve in the heart (or soul) and it was too raw, or painful to discuss. But why would hitting too close to home mean touching on something too difficult to discuss? That's what we've really got to look at.
Home is where people know us best, isn't it? You could say they know us through and through. They are able to observe our schedule, know what time of day we are the most fatigued, they know when we are normally happiest, and they know what makes us happy and what makes us upset. I think everyone will agree with my next statement: they know how to get on our nerves, don't they? They know how to irritate us.
I grew up an only child. My brother was not born till I was 16. So I lived a very very sheltered existence growing up. My brother was born at the same time that I got into the most difficult age for parents to deal with kids, my mid teens. And when it was the two of us, and my parents were by that time already middle aged, it was very very difficult for every one of us.
But backtracking to what I was saying. I was very much spoiled and protected most of my life. But I had 2 close friends who both were from families of 4 (4 kids). I saw them purposely and deliberately driving one another bananas. And for no reason at all! And I'd say to my friends, "why are you doing that??" But besides these childhood experiences, I've heard complaints about housemates that got on people's nerves, and you hear all the time about people such as boyfriends, husbands, and many many exes, that just hit too close to home. They erk us. They drive us bananas!
May I suggest that we can see this all as love? These people know us well. We matter to them. And sometimes the more we matter to someone, the more he or she will irritate us. They want us to love them as much as they love us. And when they feel lost, when they feel there is no way we will ever love them the way they love us, they will use little ploys to get us to notice them.
This is the way I try to look at my own situation. In my nursing home, there are people who want to be friends, but they can't figure out a way to let me know. And when they come in and see me preoccupied with my phone, it can make them feel awfully lonely. Some of the people who work here dream of reaching out in a real way to people with disabilities. And when they can't get my attention, they come up with some outrageous tactics to try and irritate me.
Knowing that many of the people in my life need love, and myself believing that love should be our number one priority, I need to rethink my behavior toward my caregivers. When people enter my room wanting to be of help to me, whatever I'm doing on my phone needs to wait. And if I practice giving my caregivers my undivided attention, in the long run my life will be a lot less complicated. Because in good times and in bad, though we may not notice it, love is having its way.
