Hi friends! If you like what I'm discussing as your friend here on Blogger, you might feel like checking me out In the Position of Friend on Facebook. I have a variety of links and stuff there. I'm also @Promoted2Friend on Twitter, if you're interested. Have a good day!
What does a person who takes the position of Friend seriously do, when she is totally frustrated and pissed off? Yes this kind of question is, as my mother used to say, separates the men from the boys (or the girls from the women). I am here feeling like I have had it!!!!!
A girl who has NO BRAIN manipulated situations to try to alienate my boyfriend Andre from me and I from him. We had done nothing to bring this about, and she had nothing to gain from doing it. But this was just at the tail end of issues about the place where I'm staying, which has brought me to the end of my rope, and I'm irritated! And so, how do I handle it?
Well, to tear away any illusion I may have created that I am the patron saint of friendship, I'll be honest: I gave the bitch a piece of my mind! So that's one benefit of creating good friendships. You feel secure enough in your friends, that you feel confident about your ability to communicate and defend yourself when the time comes.
Now, soon after some of this had occured, my Dad came came to visit, as we had been planning. Here's a temptation that's very very common: to freak out on those who we know love us and need us. And just as my Dad arrived and walked around a little trying to figure out what was going on, it came to me. "Raya, please don't hurt your father and your boyfriend for things that are in the past, that they had little or nothing to do with, and very very importantly COULDN'T HELP". Therefore, though the beginning of my visit with my Dad was somewhat awkward, I reassured him that I was at peace with the way I was managing things, and we ended up having a nice time.
And so, how do I sum all this up? I would like to give you some suggestions as to how to react when people are driving you up the wall. What I can say is, your battle is really with yourself. Are you going to express your anger creatively or destructively? The first thing I did was tell the perpetrator exactly what I thought of her attitude. I displayed my rage
a. Directly with the person who was the source of it
and
b. Immediately after the incident that caused it
Very very important people! Infinitely important.
Consequently, the rest of the events of my day just flowed. I continued to insure that certain injustices will stop occurring by speaking to a supervisor who I feel close to about some of my concerns, and I am hoping they will be addressed.
I jotted down a short prayer, and I decided to try a new app, and turn my prayer into an image. This is something I was just completing when my Dad came, and he liked it.
A practice I believe in, and I see my boyfriend making it a rule for himself as well, is to stay productive. Anger is a natural part of the heart and mind. We should not feel shame for things that are a natural part of who we are. If we accept our anger, then it is more likely that we will handle it appropriately. Whatever is going on in your life, seek to share the the truth of your heart with people. Is there any way you can fail, if you do this?
Here, you have a tune, along with some good words on forgiveness, which I didn't want you to miss out on.
"If a man gave all the substance of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned"
--Song of Solomon chapter 8, verse 7
I am sharing the above verse, and I would like you to see the word love, as friendship. Because the world is going around and around, and all of us are after different things in our lives. And the only thing we are willing to ever stop for, is for those we care about deeply.
You see, because in order for a friendship to grow in a healthy way, there will be times when we will need to put away our own wishes and desires and make ourselves available to another. And although there's a lot of talk about celebrating our differences, and this is good to do, there are times when we will need to conform ourselves to another person's likes and dislikes.
The word, to say it plainly, is sacrifice. Sacrifice for the sake of another has become almost an extinct practice. So many motivational speakers encourage us to "seize the present moment". They tell us to concentrate only on doing "what feels right" for us. But friends, I'm sorry to tell you; look further down the road of a life lived only for what is going to be good for you. What you will see is one very lonely person. The need for friendship dictates that we must communicate love to those who we appreciate having in our lives. This will mean, going with "what feels right" for them at times.
A healthy balance of letting our friends know where we stand and what we expect, and being sensitive to their personality components and what they need from us, is likely to end up in a stable, happy friendship!
How does friendship happen? Friendship is solely dependent on communication. Without the ability to understand what someone is telling me, and the ability to respond with an answer that will satisfy the need addressed, a friendship cannot be grow.
What is your first thought when you wake in the morning? Chances are, if you're like me, you think of the best way to present yourself to those you care about to where they can be persuaded to meet your needs, whatever they may be. So right away, our waking desire is to be "at peace with ourselves, the world and everyone in it"*. There is only one catch. Every individual on the face of this earth wants to be validated for his or her own specific needs, and each of us will find throughout the course of the day that some people will be turned on to our needs, and unfortunately, some will be turned off.
When people are turned off, to our needs, we should feel challenged to develop improved communication with them. A big mistake we make when we feel threatened by someone's lack of connection with us is that we allow ourselves to feel destroyed, even by a minor incident! And over a single miscommunication, we sometimes consider someone a foe who would otherwise have had great potential to turn into a friend. So remember, when things don't work out right away as you hoped, be patient.
As you proceed through your day, stay focused on those relationships in your life that are the most meaningful. Concentrate on how to best contribute to the health of those. This way your heart will be at rest. And for me, to be at rest in my innermost heart is the most important thing.
*Dick Sutphen
It's a mad rush out there today to succeed. But is anyone really evaluating what success really means for them personally? It is fed to us every day; these mind over matter theories.
True there have been discoveries made about state of mind and how it affects our motivation and energy levels. But now, as a result of these discoveries, It may be that many people fear the future more than ever. I'll tell u how it makes me feel. It makes me feel like, now that I've been inundated with all this encouragement, I have no excuse if I don't end up making it big!
So let me tell you what I have decided to do with my life: I have decided to be a FRIEND. I'm taking the shortcut. Instead of staking my sites on being the owner of a billion dollar company, and by so-doing impress enough people to where my spouse would love me and appreciate me, I am learning to just put down my device altogether when he comes to see me, and talking to him. I'm getting to understand him better and letting him understand me.
The story of David and Goliath in the Bible is one that is known to almost everyone. But there's an ironic little part to it that may not be the first thing we remember about it. When David set forth to the place where Goliath was, there were many who wanted to put a lot of big fancy armour on him (that of a knight I imagine). But David refused all of the fancy expensive armour. He said would be too cumbersome and would slow him down. So he chose to use a little slingshot, "five smooth stones". And with one of them, David killed giant Goliath.
These days, life itself is a giant. just getting through a day is a giant. Let me encourage you to live simply. Spend time with your friends and family.
Many people today draw a complete blank when it comes to knowing how to deal with a friend who has suffered a loss of any kind. Whether a close friend has lost a job, a girlfriend or boyfriend, or a physical ability, the majority of people have no clue what to say or do to help. What we should aim for, is giving someone a better perspective on what has happened to him or her.
One thing I have observed, is that a person who has experienced a loss of any kind may not even want you to know how much he or she is hurting. Therefore, it is important to be natural. Focus on issues other than what has been lost. Hopefully, if this is a friend you truly love, he or she will come to understand that they are in a safe environment, and may want to talk about it. Whatever the matter, whether someone actually verbalizes about the problem or not, the best thing we can do is to make our friend feel safe by reassure him or her that we are unchanged, and that the quality of our friendship will remain unshaken.
